


100 Ways

by buck_nasty



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Crush, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Drabble Collection, Drabble Sequence, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Protective Bucky Barnes, Reader-Insert, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-15 20:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 20,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8070847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buck_nasty/pseuds/buck_nasty
Summary: Loosely connected drabble series chronicling your relationship with Bucky, from awkward teammates to friends, to... well, you know. Inspired by this.





	1. Drive

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [One Hundred Ways to Say 'I Love You'](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/230338) by p0ck3tf0x. 



You blink long and hard, trying to tear up so you'll be able to keep your eyes open. Your grip on the steering wheel hardens, and he notices under the light of a passing street lamp.

" **Pull over. Let me drive for a while**."

Shaking your head, you respond, "It's alright. I'm okay. Just another hour to go." You turn your head in his direction, just a fraction, to smile at him reassuringly.

"Come on, you haven't gotten any sleep in over a day. I don't need us both to be in a car wreck, especially when you're in no position to drive," he says in a matter-of-fact way, staring pointedly at your left arm, hastily wrapped in bandages.

You sigh and begin to slow the car down until it comes to a halt on the side of the road. It's pretty quiet, only one other car has passed you in the last half hour. Reluctantly, you climb out, ready to switch seats with Bucky.

"Better?" He asks as soon as he's behind the wheel.

"Much," you admit, nestling yourself against the car door to get comfortable. "Sorry if I fall asleep, the rest of the ride's gonna be pretty quiet," you mumble, your eyes already drooping. "Well, just a little bit quieter than it already was," you amend. The mission you'd been on the last couple of days had everyone on the team dead tired. You and Bucky were the only ones still this far from the Tower, everyone else had gotten close or already reached home by now.

"It's alright. Go to sleep. I'll wake you up when we get there."

"Yeah, thanks…," you trail off, resting your head against the window and trying to ignore the general aching all over your body.

"Aren't you two adorable?" A muffled, staticky voice flows through Bucky's earpiece.

"Shut up. She's trying to sleep. We'll be there soon," he mutters.

You bite the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling, as Tony's chuckling breaks the silence in the car again. "Whatever you say, MC."


	2. Reminded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics indicate events prior to the story.

_"Something smells... familiar.”_

_Steve smiles. “The citrus?”_

_Bucky nods slowly. “Yeah.”_

_Steve gestures subtly towards you. “Hair.”_

_Bucky avoids looking at you, but you hear him lower his voice to say, “It reminds me of something but I can’t remember what.”_

_“That candy we used to eat as kids.”_

_“It’ll make your brain cry,” Bucky chuckles. “That was the tagline, wasn’t it?”_

_Steve smiles fondly and nods. “Yeah.”_

* * *

 

“Hey Steve, do you know this candy?” You ask, holding up a packet of lemon sweets. “It says it’s back after having been discontinued for almost 70 years.”

Steve tilts the packet to check it out. His eyes widen. “Oh my God,” he breathes. “This is the candy me and Bucky used to eat when we were kids. Even back then, it was hard to come by and all the kids on the schoolyard used to trade anything they had to try it. Basically to prove they could eat a whole tube without making any faces,” he answers your puzzled look. “They came in tubes then, so that’s different. But I bet it tastes the same," he chuckles.

You smile at him. “I’m gonna get it.” You buy a couple of packets and hand one to Steve, who thanks you. On your way back to the Tower, you challenge each other to finish your packs before you get home.

Steve laughs. “Yep, it’s just as sour as I remember. I can’t believe you finished yours and hardly reacted. Clearly, I underestimated you.”

You shrug. "I'm a constant surprise."

He shakes his head as you both enter the elevator to go up to your floor. When you step off, you find Bucky seemingly brooding in the common room by himself.

“Hey Buck, you’re never gonna believe what we found today!” Steve walks over to Bucky and claps a hand on his shoulder. You take this as your cue to pull the last pack of candy out of your pocket and hold it out to him.

" **It reminded me of you**."

Bucky blinks, then turns his head slowly to glare at Steve, who continues to smile down at him innocently. He turns to face you and gently takes the packet from your hand, brushing his fingers against yours. A small smile threatens to form on his face as he mumbles a thank you.

“You’re welcome,” you respond simply, before heading towards your room and making a mental note to replenish your shampoo supply.


	3. Treat

You come stumbling to a halt, panting heavily. You hear Sam skid to a stop behind you and feel his hand on your shoulder. Turning around to look at him, you smile weakly and say, "They don't really expect us to keep up, do they?"

He laughs. "Oh but they do, though. Watch them come up now and hear Steve say those three little words-"

"-on your left!" You exclaim together, laughing then wincing and clutching your sides.

"I think I'm gonna pass out. I'm taking a break." You stagger over to the grass and gingerly lower yourself onto the ground, near the base of a tree. Sam shakes his head.

"I wish I could get away with that, but I gotta keep moving. You gonna be alright here until we're done? Unless you're planning on getting up again?" He chuckles.

You close your eyes and let your head hit the tree trunk. "No way. I'm staying put. Come get me when it's over."

"Alright then. I'm just bracing myself from the attitude I'm gonna get from Barnes," Sam rolls his eyes.

You snort, as he begins to sprint away. "Good luck."

A few minutes later, you hear footsteps softly approaching you. Knowing it's one of the guys, because who else would be up this early, you open one eye and are surprised to see just Bucky standing there.

"Hey, where are the others?"

"Still two laps to go. Steve sent me to check on you."

"Oh," you respond. "Okay, well. I'm okay, so…"

"You need water. And breakfast. Let's go," he says firmly.

"Yeah, alright," you agree. You notice Bucky's arm twitch ever so slightly, as if about to offer to help you up but he retracts immediately. You mentally shrug it off, and you both walk in silence towards the nearest bagel vendor. Bucky offers you his bottle of water, which you take with a grateful smile, almost draining it completely.

You shove your hand in your pocket to get out the change you carry so you can pay for your breakfast. This time Bucky's arm shoots out, his hand grazing your arm to stop you.

" **No, no, it's my treat**."

You thank the vendor and turn around to eat your bagels, and wait for Sam and Steve.

"Thanks," you mumble through a mouthful of food.

His jaw clenches momentarily, as he responds gruffly. "You're welcome."


	4. Fix

Bucky breathes heavily through his nose, trying to keep calm. You hang back, mentally running through the emergency measures that the team had established in case Bucky had an episode. Observing him, you see that he's just tapping furiously at his phone. You exhale in relief and walk into the common room, careful not to sit too close to him. He always bristled at people getting a tad too comfortable for his liking. Silently, you stretch out on the sofa on his right and switch the  massive TV on. As you begin to flick through the endless stream of channels, Bucky bolts upright and yells.

"What the hell?!"

You jump and internally berate yourself, then turn towards Bucky. He's staring daggers at his phone, looking about ready to hurl it at the wall.

"What's wrong?" You ask carefully.

"This- this stupid- there's something wrong with it!" He jabs at the screen harshly. "It keeps changing my messages to… inappropriate phrases," he huffs.

_Tony_. You shake your head, trying not to smile. " **Come here. Let me fix it**."

He takes a step in your direction and holds out his phone. You take it from him gently, and the words 'butt' and 'fart', among others, jump out at you immediately. You skim through the open messages to see how many times he's confused Steve, stifling a snort at his reactions, before reverting Tony's changes to the settings.

"Here you go," you hand it back to him, making sure to maintain an impassive expression. He stares at you for a second, then looks down.

"You're not laughing."

You shake your head slowly, your arm still outstretched. "Even if I was, it'd be at Steve's confusion." He blinks. "Not at you," you add.

He nods slowly and takes his phone back. "Thanks." Turning around, he walks away in the direction of his room, his ears tinted red.


	5. Walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely comments! :)

"Hey, scuse me. Hey. Can we get another round, please? Thanks, buddy."

Everyone groans, except Thor, who continues to tuck into his third shawarma.

"Oh come on, you know you love them. Could be a while before we get enough time off to come down here again," Tony says.

"That's _if_ it's still around by the time we decide to come here again," Clint quips, crunching up the wrapper of his shawarma.

"Okay, sue me," Tony throws his hands up. "I'm trying to give the place some business. You don't forget your friends," he adds.

Just as you open your mouth to ask what he means, Bucky enquires, eyebrow raised, "Friends?"

"We came here after-" Steve pauses, glancing at Thor, who seems oblivious to his surroundings and solely focused on the food in front of him.

"Oh, right," you say in realisation. Bucky turns towards you, confused. You mutter, "Loki and the aliens," into his ear. He nods seriously in understanding, just as a server comes over with a tray laden with more food.

You rub your stomach, trying to ease the bloating. "Tony, who's actually going to eat all this now?"

Tony sighs and rolls his eyes. "Show of hands."

Thor, Bruce, Vision (who’s recently started eating) and reluctantly, Clint, raise their hands. Tony smiles, satisfied.

"Ugh, alright well, I think I'm gonna head back to the Tower," you announce, standing up.

"You're going back by yourself?" Bucky asks, looking up at you quizzically.

Steve and Nat exchange a subtle glance.

"Yeah, unless anyone else wants to come?"

"I think we're all a little too stuffed to be walking right now," Nat smiles.

"Alright, then. See you guys later." You step out of the little restaurant and turn in the direction of the Tower.

Almost immediately you hear fast footsteps behind you. You prepare yourself for an assault and end up almost attacking Bucky. Letting out a shaky breath, you say, "Oh my god, I could've hit you. Why'd you sneak up on me like that?"

"I'm sorry. I just wanted- I… **I'll walk you home** ," he says decisively.

You blink at him. "Jeez, okay."

Starting out at a slow pace, a chilly gust of wind blows in your faces. You shiver, crossing your arms in an attempt to shield yourself. Bucky sneaks a peek at you and pauses, making you stop in your tracks too. He wordlessly offers you his arm, which you hesitantly take, enjoying the instant warmth from his body. You continue the rest of your walk in content silence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I had a shawarma right now...


	6. Work

A hiss escapes your lips as you wince.

"I'm sorry," Bruce says sympathetically, his expression soft. He continues to tend to your injuries. "They really shouldn't let you go on some of these missions. You're too-"

"Young, I know," you sigh. "But hello? Peter's still in high school, and look what Tony had dragged him into."

"True," he concedes. You grit your teeth as he disinfects a gash on your leg. "Sorry." He winces this time, too.

"I don't really mind all this," you say, gesturing widely towards your leg and recently stitched forehead. "Well, I do but not really enough to complain. Occupational hazard," you shrug.

Bruce smiles fondly at you and shakes his head, just as FRIDAY's voice flows through the speakers.

"The Quinjet is ready for departure. Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff, Sergeant Barnes, and Ms. Maximoff - Mr. Stark is waiting for you."

"What the hell? Another mission already?" You and Bruce exchange puzzled looks.

"Apparently something we thought we'd taken care of is still causing problems."

Your head whips up to look at the doorway, and you see Bucky scowling there.

"Don't you have to be at the hangar?"

He straightens up. "I wanted to check on… to check if everything was fine here before we left."

You blink at him. "Okay… well. **Have a good day at work** ," you say cheerily.

The corners of his mouth twitch slightly, but he just ends up nodding at you. "Dr. Banner," he nods at him, too, before leaving.

"Good luck," Bruce calls out after him, before turning back towards you. "He seemed concerned," he says, giving you a knowing smile.

You squirm. "As well he should be. We're on the same team, gotta have each other’s backs," you reason, somewhat unconvincingly.

He raises an eyebrow and chuckles. "Right. That's why."


	7. Dreamt

"Bucky," you whisper as he crouches next to you. "What are you _doing_?"

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't get hurt," he says in a rush, immediately turning to look away from you, seemingly embarrassed.  
  
"Bucky," you repeat. "I'm fine. We've been over this, if I do get hurt, it'll be my fault, not yours," you shake your head emphatically. "So you don't have to shadow me." Realising that must've sounded harsh and ungrateful, you smile reassuringly and pat his knee. Before he can react, he pushes you down forcefully and you make a noise of protest.  
  
Bucky shields you and fires his weapon at your would-be attacker. As soon as the firing stops, you bolt upright, gun at the ready, prepared for another ambush.  
  
"If you hadn't been distracting me, I could've gotten him myself!" You snap, annoyed at missing an opportunity to utilise your training. He whips his head around to look at you.  
  
"If you get that easily distracted, maybe you shouldn't be out in the field!" His nostrils flare as he exhales loudly, before turning on his heel and walking towards the exit of the building.  
  
Anger bubbles up inside you as you shove your gun back in its holster and follow him to the exit, where the rest of the team is starting to gather.  
  
"Again, Buck?" You hear Steve mutter to Bucky as he spots you, and the scowl on your face. Rolling your eyes, you stalk past them and board the jet.  
  
Ten minutes from home, you hear Bucky unbuckling himself from the co-pilot's seat and asking Steve to take over. Unexpectedly, he comes over to sit across from you. You glare at him sleepily.  
  
" **I dreamt about you last night** ," he blurts out, after staring at you for all of three seconds.  
  
"What?" You ask stupidly, suddenly awake and waiting for your brain to catch up.  
  
His jaw clenches before he speaks again. "Last night, right after Tony announced we had to go on this mission, I went back to sleep and…"  
  
You swallow, waiting for him to continue.  
  
"…long story short, you got badly hurt, and it was my fault," he says flatly.  
  
"Well… in that case, I'm sorry. About before. When I snapped at you, I mean," you half-smile apologetically. "I know you were just being a good teammate. So thanks."  
  
He stares at you intently, a war raging behind his eyes. All of a sudden, it settles. "You're welcome."


	8. Seat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, guys, for all your comments! I love hearing from you ^_^

A throng of people clamber onto the train, and you instinctively grip your bag a little tighter. The seats are already almost full, so most of the new passengers remain standing as the train begins to move again. A man in sweats and a t-shirt stands directly in front of you, with his back towards you. The back of his shirt is damp with sweat, and his posture indicates fatigue.

Without thinking, you lean forward slightly to tap him on the arm. "Excuse me, sir, you can-"

He turns around at the sound of your voice and you both look equally shocked to see each other.

"Bucky, what're you doing on the subway?"

He frowns. "I could ask you the same. It's not always the safest or cleanest place for _you_ to be by yourself. Especially when it's this crowded," he adds, eyeing your fellow passengers dubiously.

You shrug and lower your voice. "I know, but I like being here sometimes to hang out in the real world; it's not all private jets and eccentric billionaires."

He cocks an eyebrow. "Me too."

You half smile at him, before preparing to stand up.

"What're you doing?" He asks.

"Getting up, to switch with you."

"Stop, don't."

" **Take my seat**."  
  
He shakes his head. "I'm fine, really."

You roll your eyes. "I know you're fine, but you've obviously been running, and I don't see any water bottle with you, so you're dehydrated too. So sit, here," you say, standing up and gently pushing him backwards.

He reluctantly lowers himself onto the newly vacated seat. "It's not very courteous of me to let you stand, while I'm sitting," he grumbles, looking away from you.

You snort. "So what, you want me to sit on your lap? There's nowhere else I _can_ sit."

Bucky's eyes flit up to glance at you as his mouth drops open for a second, but he closes it quickly. "No, of course not. Well,” he hesitates, but before he can say anything else, the train is coming to a stop and you get shoved backwards by the disembarking passengers.

Right onto Bucky’s lap.

You can feel your face heat up instantly, as you struggle to get on your feet quickly. You clear your throat, avoiding his eyes. "We're almost at our stop anyway."

"Oh. Good,” he croaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about any subway-related inaccuracies, my knowledge of them is limited to what I see on tv!


	9. Saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends who make you food are the best.

You squeeze your eyes shut as another wave of pain courses through you. Yep, injuries from missions are one thing. But period cramps? Those are the worst. They say exercise is supposed to help alleviate the pain, but it doesn't seem to be doing you much good. You raise your hand to catch Nat's attention, then make a throat-slashing motion.

"I'm done, I give up. This isn't helping."

"Aw," Wanda pouts, as she stretches her arms out for you. You gratefully accept her hug.

Nat bolts up from her yoga mat. "Alright, we're done here. I've got your present in your room already."

You frown. "What present?"

Nat and Wanda exchange a knowing smile. "You'll see."

When you get to your room, you gasp as you realise what they meant. A plastic container full of brownies is sitting invitingly on your bed. Your face splits into a grin as you feel a sudden rush of affection for your friends.

You immediately change into your oldest pyjamas, start playing an episode of Parks and Rec on your laptop and yank open the box. Before you know it, the day has passed you by, you’ve watched a whole season, and there's only one brownie left. You stare at it, slightly shamefacedly.

 _I'm gonna have to work out extra hard to get these off me,_ you think to yourself.

Even though it won't make much difference if you eat the last one now, you feel guilty about having hogged all of them. Who should you give this to?

_Bucky._

You shake your head, trying to think.

_Bucky._

Rubbing your eyes, you wrack your brains as to who your favourite person in the tower is.  
  
_B-_

"Oh my god, stop," you say out loud. "Fine, I'll give it to Bucky. Poor thing's probably never even had a brownie before."

You swing your legs over the side of your bed, groaning inwardly at the pain in your abdomen. Standing up, you slip into your shoes and grab the nearly empty box. As you step out of your room, you can hear the others talking and laughing. In the dimly lit hallway, you see a figure approaching you, meeting you in the middle.

He begins, "Nat and Wanda made-"

"-me brownies," you interrupt, confused.

"Well, I guess they made lots of them then," Bucky says, seemingly disappointed. "Uh, since you've been in your room all day and they told me you weren't feeling good-"

" **I saved a piece for you** ," you both say simultaneously, holding out the last two brownies to each other.

"Jinx!" You exclaim.

He furrows his brow in confusion.

"When two people say the same thing at the same time, you have to say 'jinx'. Then, the person who’s jinxed can't talk until someone says their name," you explain hurriedly.

"Oh."

"Okay, well, since you just spoke, you lose _and_ I get to punch you." You punch his arm feebly.

"Well, that’s gonna bruise," he teases, before clearing his throat and becoming serious. "So, wait, why did _you_ save a piece for _me_?"  
  
"Oh, because I didn't know they'd made more for everyone and I felt bad eating the whole box they made for me, so I thought I'd give someone else the last one."  
  
"And you picked me?" He asks, somewhat sceptically.

Your pulse rate quickens. "Yeah. I thought you'd like it because you might not have ever had one before."

He stares at you, and you suddenly feel awkward. For what seems like eternity, the only sounds you can hear are the blood rushing in your head and him breathing. Without another word, he holds out his last brownie to you. You return the gesture.

"Thanks," you both say.  
  
"Jinx!" You yell again. This time, he does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a couple of weeks since I last had a brownie. What's wrong with me...


	10. Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y/f/m = your family member

Your phone vibrates, but you press the lock button in a hurry without glancing at the screen. Everyone else is ready and waiting for you to get to the jet. You know you only get calls or messages from your family if it's absolutely urgent, but you try to shake off the guilt at ignoring whatever it is, for now, saving your focus for your new mission.

Eight hours later, everyone's back at the Tower and you groan in exhaustion, forcing yourself to take a shower. Once you're out, the ignored message on your phone suddenly pops into your head. You stride over to your bedside table and switch it back on. There are a couple of messages from y/f/m. Before even opening them, you feel your stomach drop, as you remember what today was. Sure enough, when you open the messages, tears instantly spring to your eyes - your dog was put down today.

You fall back onto your bed, sobbing in silence. Everything you've repressed since you joined the team, guilt at not being able to see your family, the missions themselves, and now this, suddenly come up to the surface as you cry yourself to sleep.

At around four in the morning, after constant tossing and turning, you drag yourself out of bed in a sleepy haze, heading towards the kitchen. Knowing it's not a healthy coping mechanism, you still absent-mindedly pull out Tony's tub of fancy ice-cream from the huge freezer. You eat only a couple of spoonfuls before you start to feel queasy. Dropping your spoon in the sink, you return the ice-cream to the freezer and make your way back to your room.

"Why are you up so late?"

You jump a foot in the air at the voice. "Bucky! You scared the shit out of me!"

"I'm sorry. I'll try to walk a bit louder next time," he hisses. 

You roll your eyes. "Well, you have the place to yourself now. I'm going back to bed."

"Wait," he touches your arm gingerly. "Why are you up?"

Something in his voice breaks you. "I just couldn't sleep, had a lot on my mind," you mumble, trying to steady your own.

"Y/N," he says quietly. "What's wrong?" He steps closer to you until you're just a foot apart.

"My dog died," you sob, looking at the floor. "You probably think it's childish to be upset about that, but-"

"I don't," he interjects, then pauses. " **I'm sorry for your loss**."

You lift your head up slowly, your face stained with fresh tears. He's looking at you with a curious expression on his face, and seeming like he's lost control of his arms, he stretches them out and gently ushers you into them.


	11. Half

"Hey, you crazy kids, Rhodey and I are having a meeting downstairs and need all of you to drag your butts down here," Tony's voice drawls through the speakers.

You groan, and look at your freshly unwrapped burrito sadly, but decide to take it with you anyway. You and Wanda roll your eyes at each other as you meet at the elevator, giggling in unity at how you've had to sacrifice your breakfast to attend this meeting.

When you get to the conference room, Tony, Rhodey, and Nat are already there. You and Wanda deliberately sit away from each other, knowing you won't be paying attention if you're close enough to be whispering. Steve, Bucky, and Sam stride in a few moments later, visibly sweaty and worn out from their morning run. Sam sits next to you, wrinkling his nose and looking at you curiously.

"What've you got?" He murmurs.

You carefully show him your burrito, hiding inside your jacket. He shakes his head and covers his face with his hands, trying to conceal his laughter.

"Hey, something to share with the class? Wilson? Y/N?" Tony looks between you two. You both shake your heads solemnly. He and Rhodey eye you suspiciously before launching into one of their boring disciplinary speeches.

Your stomach growls, and you slowly slip your burrito out from beneath your jacket. Bucky glances down, then back up at you, trying not to smile. "That's clever," he says under his breath, just as his own stomach growls. You snort, and make sheepish eye contact with Rhodey, who shakes his head disapprovingly.

" **You can have half** ," you mutter, trying to evenly split the burrito in half through its packaging as neatly, quietly and inconspicuously as possible. You slide it over to Bucky underneath the table and he squeezes your fingers gratefully as he takes it from you.

"Man, I haven't had breakfast," Steve groans, when the meeting's over. "Hey Buck, let's-" he stops, as soon as he sees a smudge of salsa on Bucky's face. His eyes flit from him to you, just as you're crunching up your half of the wrapper. He smiles widely at the both of you, shaking his head fondly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always hungry.


	12. Jacket

You stare out the window, wide eyed. "It's fall, guys. Who wants to go out? Between the missions and staying cooped up in here, I'm going stir crazy."

"Me too," Wanda drawls, eyeing Vision meaningfully.

"You know it is safer for you to stay in," Vision says smoothly.

"Yeah," Bucky pipes up. You both turn to look at him and he goes back to his book, avoiding your gazes.

"I'll be fine, Vis. I've got Y/N with me. We won't be long, just want to get some air," Wanda responds, slipping on her shoes. You skip towards the elevator.

"I'm going down, I'll wait for you there," you call out to her, before punching in the button for the ground floor, knowing she's going to get caught in a disagreement with Vision.

You hang around the foyer, drumming your fingers against your leg impatiently, when you start to hear footsteps running down the stairs. Wanda steps out of the elevator the same time as Bucky jumps off the last step.

"Urgent business?" You crack a smile at him. He breathes heavily, and tosses the jacket that he'd slung over his arm at you. You catch it, and give him a curious look.

" **Take my jacket, it's cold outside.** "

You can see Wanda grinning out of the corner of your eye. You raise the jacket and nod in a gesture of gratefulness. Bucky nods back and strides towards the elevator, as you playfully smack Wanda on the shoulder and slip the jacket on, instantly getting hit by Bucky's smell. During your walk, you try to bite back your grin as he takes over your thoughts.


	13. Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments, guys! I'm sorry I won't be able to post chapters as close together as before since uni's started up again :)

You drag yourself out of the elevator, exhausted from the meeting you'd been at, and head towards your room, desperate to get into bed.

Once in the middle of your shower, your eyes suddenly snap open as you realise where you have to be. In a hurry, you finish up, and step out, throwing on the first things you see draped on the chair at your desk. Bolting out of the room, you catch Nat giving you a curious look.

"Going to the hospital," you explain, jabbing at the elevator button to get there faster.

"I thought Tony and Steve were already there," she says, raising an eyebrow slightly.

You shrug. "Steve asked me to come." _And I want to go anyway._

Nat smiles. "Well, I'm sure _Steve_ will really appreciate you being there."

The elevator dings, and you step into it, giving her a tiny smile as the doors close.

You drive as fast as you can to the hospital, luckily it's not that far away. Soon enough, you've reached the right room. All of a sudden, you're nervous. As you raise your hand to knock, the door opens and Steve appears.

"Oh Y/N, finally. I was just about to call you," he mutters.

"Sorry, just got back an hour ago. I drove here as fast as I could," you respond.

"Well, we're just about ready to start in here so you made it in good time," he steps back, holding the door open wider for you to enter the room.

As soon as you do, your eyes meet Bucky's. A doctor hovers over him, attaching electrodes to his head to begin his EEG.

" **Sorry I'm late**."

"You're not," he smiles wanly, then glances at Steve gratefully. Tony's eyes dart from you to Bucky, and he grins mischievously.

You glare at him, and move closer to Bucky, though still trying to maintain a professional distance, and whisper, "You ready?"

"Yeah, I am now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read that EEGs can [help with PTSD](https://www.eeginfo.com/research/articles/PTSD-NeurofeedbackRemedy.pdf).


	14. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one's longer than the others, but I kinda like how it turned out. I hope you guys will too!

"I've got Sam and Bucky."

"And Clint's bringing me, Wanda, and Y/N."

Steve nods, then reaches up to adjust his bow tie. "How do I look?"

At that moment, you step out of your room nervously, shutting the door behind you. You look up and see Steve and Nat dressed for the benefit you all were supposed to attend.

"Oh my god...," you breathe, your self-consciousness momentarily forgotten. "You guys look so good! Steve, you're going to kill some poor girl over there. Tone it down a bit."

Steve chuckles. "Hey, do me a favour. When Bucky comes out of his room, try not to have any big reactions. He's really not into the idea of wearing a tux. Or attending this thing at all, for that matter. Plus Sam's already got him all riled up about being in a 'monkey suit', so-"

"These are monkey suits, Cap," Sam quips, as he too enters the hallway.

"I know, but just-"

Steve's interrupted again, this time by the appearance of Bucky. Your eyes widen, but you regain your composure instantly when you remember Steve's words. You can see the corners of Sam's mouth twitching and Steve glaring at him. You and Nat say nothing; Bucky glowers.

"Aren't we late?" He asks, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, yeah. We are actually. We should get going. See you there," Steve nods at you and Nat gratefully, gently steering Bucky towards the elevator.

"Ladies," Sam tips his imaginary cap at you two. As soon as they leave, you turn to Nat.

"Okay. Wow," is all you can manage. You blush instantly, regretting saying anything.

"Down girl," Nat smirks, just as Wanda joins the two of you.

"Are we ready? What's… why are you smiling? And why are _you_ blushing?"

You shake your head a little too frantically. "Nothing. Let's go."

As soon as you arrive, your stomach clenches itself into a knot. Mingling with people at a benefit is not your forte. Nat assured you you'd be fine before draping her arm over Clint's and moving away. Wanda is by Vision's side, and everyone else seems to be fitting in just fine. Except…

"Y/N."

You turn around. "Bucky, hey. I was just wondering where you were."

"Steve suggested I try to relax. As if I hadn't been trying that since I found out I had to attend this thing," he scowls.

You smile. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty uncomfortable too." You fidget a little in your dress as it clings to you.

Bucky looks down at you momentarily, before focusing straight ahead. He clears his throat. "You look nice."

Your face heats up, you can feel the tips of your ears tingling. "Thanks. You do too."

He turns to look at you, a smile playing at his lips, when Sam strides over to both of you.

"You two just gonna hide here the whole night? Stark's been on my ass the past forty minutes, making sure I talk to all the right people. You guys better get in there and pick up the slack 'cause I need a drink," he sighs, signalling the bartender.

You glance at Bucky and shrug. "I guess we should split up then, we'll cover more ground that way."

He nods reluctantly and begins to walk away from you.

For a while, you both attempt to navigate the terrain, until the band starts to play a particularly slow song. You don't notice at first - only realising when someone taps you on the shoulder while you're in the middle of listening to a silly little anecdote. You turn around, grateful at the interruption.

" **Can I have this dance**?" Bucky asks, holding his hand out to you.

You apologise and excuse yourself politely, before slipping your hand into Bucky's without a second thought. He leads you through the steps, and you realise how this must be muscle memory at work. The thought saddens you, as you remember everything Bucky's been through, and how this part of him is so resilient that it's now slowly manifesting itself. That makes you smile.

"What is it?"

You shake your head slightly. "Just… thanks for getting me out back there."

He looks disappointed, but fights to maintain impassivity. "Well, to be fair, you got me out too. I didn't expect you to actually come and dance with me."

You scrunch your eyebrows. "Why not?"

"Because you've mentioned several times how much you hate dancing," he answers, returning your confused look.

"Oh, yeah. I do. I mean, normally I do. But since it was _you_ asking…" your voice tapers off.

He inhales deeply, shifting his gaze to a vague spot in the hall and you feel him wrap his arm just a little tighter around your waist, his hand squeezing yours just a little harder.

 


	15. Favourite

The image replays itself in your head, again and again. You squeeze your eyes shut in an attempt to make everything go dark and block your thoughts out.

You know this job is hard, and that sometimes it isn't possible to save everyone but before you can stop it, a tear you didn't know you were holding back slides down your cheek. You wipe it away impatiently, glad that you were left alone in your room. The others had given you your space, knowing that you needed time to adjust to everything this job entails.

Thinking that you've hidden away for long enough, you stretch before getting up, leaving your room quietly when a smoke detector starts to beep frantically somewhere.

"Shit!" You hear someone yell.

You bolt towards the sounds and find yourself in the kitchen, watching Bucky wave smoke away from the detector with a tray.

"What happened?"

He nearly drops the tray, but composes himself just in time. "I burnt something," he mutters, barely audible over the continued beeping.

You walk over to where he's standing to observe the damage and spot a tray of slightly crisp-looking cookies.

" **I made your favourite** ," he says sheepishly. "Well, I mean I tried to anyway. Stark's gadgets are so complicated to use and then I didn't quite take them out on time-"

Without thinking, you wrap your arms around him in a hug. He takes a step backward in shock, but awkwardly pats you on the shoulder before you pull away in embarrassment.

"I know you're still learning how to deal with everything," he says, his voice low. "So I wanted to try to make things a bit better." He rubs the back of his neck self-consciously.

You nod and smile. "I bet they're still pretty good," you muse, picking a cookie up and biting into it. You nod again, your mouth full. "It's only a bit crunchy but it actually works."

You hold one out to him. He takes it from you and leans against a counter, relieved that you were smiling again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vision and Bucky have something in common :)


	16. Sleep

_Screaming._

You bolt upright in bed, and feel your t-shirt sticking to you, your hair matted to your forehead. The only sound you can hear is your heartbeat, loud and frantic. You sigh and cover your face with your hands, rubbing your eyes in frustration.

You'd had a couple of nightmares on and off the last couple of weeks. You had tried not to concern yourself too much, remembering that everyone else on the team dealt with the same issues. You knew you had it in you to be tough, but the interrupted sleep annoyed you.

Your breath hitches in your throat as it occurs to you that there's a person in the tower who deals with nightmares almost all the time. You contemplate going over and talking about it, but wonder if it'd be inappropriate, or even annoying. Shaking your head, you lie back down.

Almost immediately, you sit up again and whisper "Screw it," to yourself, before slipping on your shoes and sneaking out of your room. Padding down the hallway, you rethink your decision multiple times but never actually turn around.

When you finally reach the door, you lift your hand up and knock gently. Your mouth goes dry and you feel your pulse quicken, as you regret leaving your room. You take a step back, preparing to retreat, when the door swings open.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Bucky asks blearily, his hair mussed and looking… well, adorable. "Is there something wrong?" He asks more urgently, focusing his eyes on yours.

"I…," you falter. "I just… never mind. Sorry, I'll go back to bed," you whisper, turning away from him.

"Wait," he reaches out and holds onto your arm. "What's wrong?"

Your eyes are downcast as you respond. "I was just having another nightmare," you mumble. "So I thought I'd come and I don't know, talk to you about it. I shouldn't have bugged you, I'm sorry. I'll-"

"Y/N, stop. **It's okay, I couldn't sleep anyway** ," he nods, slowly pulling you towards him. There's a pause before he speaks again. "Do you still want to talk about it?"

You look up at him, his face filled with sincerity and concern, and nod back. He smiles as he guides you into his room and shuts the door.


	17. Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty short, I'm sorry! Even at uni, I still get homework.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to walking in these," you grumble, shuffling your feet in an attempt to find a position that didn't cause you so much discomfort. "How does anyone wear them for hours at a time?"

Nat and Wanda grin at you.

"I'd say 'you'll get used to it', but I don't think you want to," says Nat. "It's a necessary evil for these kinds of occasions," she shrugs.

"That's another thing… I really could do without 'these kinds of occasions too'. I mean, why do I have to get up on stage?"

"Exposure, remember? Tony wants our faces known, to build trust and forge familiarity," Wanda reminds you.

You sigh defeatedly, ready for this day to be over.

"Where's Steve?" Nat mutters.

"Right here," he answers from behind all of you. "God, I haven't been on stage since, well, since the war," he smiles nervously. "At least this time I'm not gonna be in a costume, with girls dancing in the background."

"That can be arranged Cap, if that's your thing," Tony quips. "Okay, everyone ready? Great. We're on in 2."

Your heart starts beating wildly, and you remember your breathing exercises.

"Y/N, you can go after Wanda. I'll be right behind you," Nat whispers, just as you get ready to step onto the stage. Countless pairs of eyes land on you, but one face stands out in the room.

As Tony and Steve begin their speech, you squint at the figure in the back of the hall.

" **Watch your step** ," Bucky mouths at you, staring pointedly at your heels.

You feel yourself relax instantly, and shoot him a grateful smile, one that doesn't leave your face long after the speech is over.


	18. Drink

"Y/N, we're on our way out. You sure you'll be okay?" Steve asks in concern.

"Yeah I'll be fine. You guys should be worrying about yourselves," you croak.

He frowns in concern. "Alright, well, Bucky's gonna be here. So at least you'll have one other person around."

"What? How come he's not going with you guys?"

Steve shrugs. "Said he wanted to stick around, just in case."

"In… case of what?"

He smiles. "I'll see you later, Y/N. I hope you feel better soon!"

And just like that, you and Bucky are the only two people left in the tower.

 _There's no sense in staying in here and boring myself_ , you think, and make your way to the common room.

While there, you try to decide what to watch to distract yourself from your stuffy nose and sore throat. As soon as you settle on a channel, you begin to cough.

Bucky pokes his head out of his room at the sound, and silently walks over to the common room.

He's instantly met by the sight of you curled up in your favourite armchair, looking miserable. His jaw clenches in indignation as he approaches you, but decides against it and veers into the direction of the kitchen instead.

Five minutes later, he's carefully walking towards you until he stops right next to where you're sitting.

You look up to see him, watching you.

"Hey Bucky. Steve told me you'd be home, _just in case_."

For a fraction of a second, what looks like a blush crosses Bucky's face.

 _I didn't want you to be alone_.

"Yeah, I mean, no one should have to look after themselves when they're sick, right?"

_Much better._

You give him a grateful, watery-eyed smile, before sneezing into a tissue. "Well, thanks."

He nods, and hands you the mug of chamomile tea he's holding. " **Here, drink this. You'll feel better**."


	19. Hand

"Hey, Y/N, that guy over there keeps looking at you," Wanda grins, gesturing subtly with her head.

You glance over to where she's gesturing, and snort once you see the guy. "The one who's hit on about three women so far? I've been watching him for a while. You should've seen the look they had on their faces when they turned him down. For his sake, I hope he doesn't try coming over here."

You don't notice the sides of Bucky's mouth twitch at that.

"Ooh, now I hope he does. I wanna see you take him down," Nat wiggles her eyebrows.

You sneak a peek at Bucky.

_I'm not the one who's going to take him down._

"Hey Steve, found us a couple of girls over there! Come on!" Sam yells over the bar chatter.

"Buck, you coming?" Steve asks Bucky, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

Bucky shakes his head, trying not to make it too obvious why he wants to stay where he is. "I'm fine, thanks."

Steve stares at him knowingly, but chuckles and moves away without saying anything.

You see Bucky left alone at the bar, and walk over to him.

"Where'd the guys go?"

"They found some girls," he shrugs.

"You didn't?"

He smiles softly, turning his head towards you as if to say something, but you're looking away from him.

You swallow. "Oh god."

Bucky looks at you, confused. "What is it?"

"That guy, the creepy one, he's coming over here."

Bucky's head whips around to look at him at the same time that a lightbulb goes off in your head.

" **Can I hold your hand**?"

"Wh- what?"

"If I make it seem like we're together, maybe he'll leave me alone," you explain hurriedly.

"Yeah, okay," he agrees readily, reaching out his bionic hand to slowly intertwine his fingers with yours.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see the guy falter in his steps, his gaze focused on Bucky's metal hand. He quickly retracts, returning to his friends and nudging them all to look in your direction.

Bucky smiles serenely at you. "Is he gone?"

You smile back, squeezing his hand lightly. "Looks like he peed himself."

You both chuckle, until Sam and Steve come over.

"Whoa, looks like Barnes found himself a-"

Steve nudges Sam in the arm, and you and Bucky suddenly fly apart.

"We were just trying to get rid of a guy."

"Yeah, well one look at Grandpa Grumps here'd make anyone bolt," Sam laughs.

_Not me._

"Shut up, Sam," you shove him, glancing at Bucky. He reaches forward and strokes the back of your hand with his index finger quickly, pulling it back before Sam sees.

 


	20. Borrow

"For fuck's sake, where is it?" You mutter impatiently, ruffling through the endless pile of clean laundry. You had a day off, which was kind of rare, and you were planning on spending it in your favourite hoodie, watching trash tv and eating junk food.

One major disadvantage of living with so many people in such a big space was that everyone's stuff got misplaced or mixed up with someone else's from time to time.

You sigh exasperatedly, and run your fingers through your hair.

"Oh, hey."

You turn around. "Hey Bucky."

"Just came to… get my stuff…" he trails off, once he sees how disorganised everything is.

"Me too, but I can't find what I'm looking for," you huff, trying to keep the irritation out of your voice.

"Well, maybe we should sort this stuff out then, huh? Wouldn't that give everybody a shock?" He smiles impishly.

"Because we'll have done something nice for them?" You snort. "But I guess it would make finding our own stuff easier… okay, yeah let's do it."

Over the next hour, you and Bucky manage to make piles of everyone's clothes - at least according to what you thought belonged to each individual person.

"Oh, wow. Look at that. We actually did it."

You rub your eyes in frustration, annoyed at yourself for caring so much about one article of clothing and letting it ruin your mood.

"What's wrong?" Bucky asks you.

"Ugh, I was planning on lounging around in my hoodie the whole day and I can't find it and I'm just annoyed. So childish, I know," you add, stretching your arms above your head and standing up.

"Oh, well, **you can borrow mine** ," Bucky offers, carefully pulling a hoodie out from the middle of his pile of clothes and handing it to you.

You try to keep your glee to yourself, pitying Bucky for not knowing the modern practise of girls ~~stealing~~ keeping guys' hoodies. Once you're sure your heart rate is almost normal, you respond and take the hoodie from him.

"Um, thanks."

"You're welcome," he smiles at you, patting your shoulder and walking out with his pile of clothes.

Your first instinct is to bury your face in the garment once Bucky has left, inhaling deeply and failing at keeping a massive grin from spreading on your face.

_Yeah, I don't think he's getting this back._

Little do you know, Bucky sticks around to watch your reaction, amazed at the fluttery feeling in his chest as he shakes his head fondly and makes his way back to his room.


	21. Like

"What's their situation?" Bucky gestures towards the TV screen with his head.

You fail to hide your smile. "Nothing, they're just partners. They work together."

Bucky stares at you incredulously. "They are _definitely_ not just partners. Did you not see what he just did?"

You snort. "If you think that was a big deal, you've really gotta see some of the other stuff they've done. Without being anything more than… _friends_ , at least," you amend. " **You might like this** show actually."

He frowns. "What's it about?"

Before you can open your mouth to answer, Tony steps into the common room and interrupts you.

"A beautiful but socially inept scientist works with an unusually handsome lionhearted FBI agent - and believe me, I've dealt with enough law enforcement to know what I'm talking about here - to bring murderers to justice. All while," he pauses, chuckling. "All while they bicker, and unintentionally flirt with each other and insist to everyone around them that they are totally platonic. Even though a complete idiot could feel the insane amounts of sexual tension they radiate."

Bucky digests this. "Huh." He turns to you. "Can we start from the beginning?"

You jump off the couch to replace the current DVD with one from the season 1 box set. As you settle down and start the first episode, Nat and Clint walk into the common room. Too engrossed in the show, and Bucky's reactions to it, you don't notice them whispering with Tony.

"What're they watching?" Clint asks.

"Bones," both Tony and Nat answer.

"It's basically about them," Nat says, shaking her head and smiling.

"Cute, awkward girl and can-be-scary-sometimes alpha male are obviously in love, but won't admit it," Tony explains, seeing Clint's confused expression. Upon hearing this, his confusion is replaced by a grin.

"That sounds about right."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kind of the backdoor pilot for The Booth and Brennan Situation. :)


	22. Stronger

"Hey, hey, careful with that!"

"Can't you see the 'fragile' sticker?!"

"Dude, I'm right behind you, stop walking. Stop wa- oh shit, my foot. I think I'm paralysed."

You burst out laughing, your arms shaking dangerously. You set down the box you're carrying to clutch your stomach.

The scene before you is total mayhem. Tony had given everyone a day's notice before calling in a bunch of sweaty workmen to renovate the floor you all occupied. So there was stuff moving back and forth, people reluctantly sharing rooms, and tons of arguing.

The men's rooms were being cleared out first, and you had tried not to seem too eager to help Bucky move his stuff out. Knowing better than to pry, you had kept out of his way when he had hastily shoved everything into some boxes and only showed up once he was ready to move them.

You shake your head at the chaos, picking up the box again.

"Y/N, here, gimme. You don't have to carry that," Bucky says, striding over to you and smiling, his arms outstretched.

You cock an eyebrow, feigning offense. " **It's not heavy. I'm stronger than I look**." Winking conspiratorially at him, you turn around to add the box to the corner of the floor where all other boxes had been left.

Bucky rubs the back of his neck nervously, his face slowly breaking out into a grin.

_Sam would be giving me so much shit if he could see me right now_.

He shakes his head, face devoid of emotion now, and rejoins the others with an unmistakable, but subtle, spring in his step.


	23. Wait

"Ow! Okay, okay. Time out," you huff, pushing Nat off you. She'd insisted on a training session; since none of you had had any missions in a while, she wanted to be sure everyone remained in shape.

You push yourself off the mat, and rub at your lower back. Wanda comes over with a bottle of water and hands it to you. Taking it from her with a grateful smile, you turn your attention to the other side of the room where the guys were training.

You and Bucky make eye contact accidentally, causing him to get distracted and allow Sam to overpower and tackle him, knocking him down hard. You choke on your water in shock. After quickly pushing Sam off him, Bucky bolts over to you.

"You alright?" He asks, patting you on the back.

Once your coughing fit has subsided, you nod. "Yeah, thanks. What about you?"

"Oh." He shrugs casually, a blush creeping over his face. "That's not the worst thing I've been through. It's the first time he's ever managed to get me down though," he adds.

"Unbelievable. Even when I knock him over, he's the one showing off." Sam yells from the corner, shaking his head.

"Alright, we'll go again. This time I'll definitely have a reason to show off." Bucky looks to you for approval, and you give him a thumbs up before he leaves to fight Sam a second time.

"My god, you two give me a headache," Nat says from behind you. You turn around to see her and Wanda exchanging smiles.

"What're you talking about?"

"You and Barnes. The back and forth. The middle school level flirting. The secret looks. It's all too much. You've got to do something. It's the 21st century, so girls can make the first move." Nat raises an eyebrow at you, waiting for a response.

You sputter. "I- we-"

"Sure, he might be a little shocked, considering he's from the 40s, but I think he'll get over it."

You narrow your eyes at her. Sighing, you walk over to the two of them and slump against the wall until you're sitting on the floor.

"I think we're okay being friends."

_For now._

"But that's obviously not what you want," Wanda pipes up.

You stare at her, scandalised.

She holds her hands up in mock surrender. "I didn't have to. It's on your faces."

Subtly breathing a sigh of relief, you say, "I don't think he's ready. So that's why I'm just going to be his friend."

Nat groans, dropping her head into her hands.

Over on the other side of the room, Steve is staring at you. "Tell me again why you're not doing anything." He turns his head to look inquisitively at Bucky. Sam leans in to listen as well, his eyes wide with interest.

Bucky sighs. "I've already told you. I don't think I'm ready. I don't want to end up hurting her or… something," he avoids eye contact with the other two. "Besides, isn't it a little arrogant to just assume she wants me to do something?"

Steve chuckles, whereas Sam bursts out laughing. Bucky scowls.

"Assholes," he mutters.

"She's obviously into you!" Sam enthuses. "You'd have to be blind, or in your case just old and clueless, not to be able to see it."

Bucky looks at Steve for confirmation.

"He's right," Steve shrugs.

A curious and unfamiliar feeling fills his chest. But he stands his ground.

"Look, the way things are right now… I like them. If she's okay with me being her friend, I'm fine with that."

_As long as I get to be around her._

Steve opens his mouth, but Bucky waves a hand in front of him, cutting him off.

"I know what you're going to say, about waiting too long and all of that. But I can't mess this up, so-"

"I don't want to overwhelm him with anything, we have to let him pace himself," you explain.

"But are you going to do anything?" Wanda asks.

"Maybe," you answer wistfully. "But for now-"

You look up and your eyes meet Bucky's again. You both sigh and turn to look at your friends.

" **I'll wait**."


	24. Because

Sometimes Bucky had his off days. This day was one of them. You knew he wasn't up to talking about it, not even to Steve. So everyone more or less kept out of his way, leaving him to his own devices and giving him his space.

As much as it bugged you to do the same, you respected him enough to let him be.

Whether he was cooped up in his room, over-exerting himself in training, or brooding out on the streets and coming home at the oddest of times, no one questioned him. He knew every one of you meant well, and he appreciated it. He wouldn't know what to do or say if anyone asked him to talk about it. Despite that, he still felt lonely knowing that no one could ever truly understand everything he went through and that if they did, they'd shun him.

Bucky had bumped into you a couple of times today. He was trying not to make it too obvious that he wasn't in the best of moods, so he made sure to appear every now and then around the Tower to avoid looking like he was hiding.

You watch him carefully as he takes some leftover pizza out of the fridge and piles a couple of slices onto a plate. He shuts the fridge and turns to walk out with the cold pizza, when you take a step in front of him, blocking his path. Staring down at you confused, he furrows his brow as you gently slip the plate out of his hands and put it into the microwave.

He doesn't look at you again while the microwave is running, only lifting his head when you hand the plate back to him. He takes it from you silently, not moving as if he senses something else is about to happen.

Sure enough, you tentatively stretch your arms out and wrap them around his frame, patting him on the back before you release him.

Bucky stares down at you. "Why did-"

You shrug. " **Just because**."

He smiles softly, ducking his head and making his way back to his room. You'd understood him enough, for now.


	25. Look

"We don't have paprika," Wanda sighs.

You hold up a jar curiously.

"That's cayenne," she points out, smiling. "I guess we'll have to make a run to the store."

"Oh that reminds me…" you mutter under your breath, trying to recall what you needed from the store. "Cookies! I'm all out."

"We can just make some," Wanda suggests.

You shrug. "Okay, we'll get the stuff for that too. Hey, guys!" You yell into the common room. "We're going out to the store, anybody need anything?"

Voices begin overlapping in attempts to drown out the others.

"Shaving cream-"

"Toilet paper-"

"Lucky Charms-"

"Doritos-"

You hold up your phone to film the scene before you; there's no way you could've written all of that down. Only when everyone falls silent do you pocket it, satisfied.

"Be back in a bit." You wave at them as Wanda walks ahead of you to the elevator. As you are about to pass Bucky, he glances up from his book and reaches out for your wrist.

" **Look both ways**."

You roll your eyes good-naturedly.

"I will." Slipping your wrist out of his grasp, you squeeze his hand before turning around to leave, ignoring Wanda's smirk and the snickering behind you.


	26. Sorry

Bucky's hand shakes ever so slightly as he disinfects the gash above your eyebrow.

You sniff quietly, your eyes cast downward. He notices and stiffens, his shoulders hunching in shame.

The past couple of months had opened up a new lead on a HYDRA base, and you and the rest of the team had finally infiltrated it. Bucky had been strongly advised by both Tony and Steve to hang back for this mission, but he felt a personal sense of responsibility to go in and take more HYDRA agents out.

Upon seeing Bucky, an agent had launched into the Winter Soldier's trigger words. Despite working extensively with Wakandan scientists, and Tony's BARF program, Bucky panicked. You happened to be the closest to him.

"Hey, I can take over now." Bruce puts a hand on Bucky's shoulder gently. Bucky looks up at him and nods, pushing himself up and standing to the side, guilt eating away at him.

Bruce begins to stitch up your wound. The previous events of the evening replay in your mind - Bucky losing control, the feral look in his eyes, how his entire stance had momentarily changed from Bucky into a walking weapon… and now the guilt of hurting you visibly weighing on him.

 _There's no way she'll even look at me now_.

A knot has formed in Bucky's stomach. He feels like screaming until his voice disappears.

A few minutes later, Bruce has finished checking you for other injuries, and alerted the others that you were for the most part alright. You and Bucky are left alone for all of two seconds before the rest of the team has boarded the jet, made sure you were okay, and gotten ready to fly back.

Nat and Steve walk you to your room. Steve opens his mouth to say something, but a quick glance from Nat silences him. They both bid you goodnight.

Once you're in bed, you hear murmuring out in the hallway, but turn over and face the wall in an attempt to drown it out. A minute later, there's a timid knock at your door.

Your heart beats wildly in your chest despite your exhaustion. Before you can decide what to do, the door's opening slowly. You turn around and see Bucky standing there in the darkness.

"Y/N?" He exhales loudly. "I- can I come in?"

You nod, and he steps in, leaving the door open just a crack. There's a deafening silence for a few moments.

" **I'm sorry** ," he whispers eventually. " **I** **didn't mean to**."

Swallowing thickly, you respond. "I know."

"Right? You do?" He asks, his tone clearly laced with worry.

You feel yourself soften. Pushing the covers off you, you swing your legs over the side of your bed and stand in front of Bucky. He takes a step back.

"It wasn't your fault."

He stares at you. "Wasn't it?"

Shaking your head, you move forward and grip both of his arms firmly. "No."

He sighs, head hanging in defeat, and wraps his arms around you tightly. Relief washes over him.

_She doesn't hate me._


	27. Try

"Y/N, heads up!"

You look up just in time to see Sam tossing a piece of toast at you. Catching it, you set it down on your plate, and proceed to fill up a bowl with Lucky Charms.

Bucky and Steve walk into the kitchen, uttering a round of 'good mornings'. Plopping himself down on the stool next to you, Bucky turns the box of cereal towards himself to inspect it. He makes a face as he glances down at your bowl.

"There are _marshmallows_ in this cereal?"

You take a bite of your toast and nod.

"Isn't that… I don't know, gross?"

" **Try some**."

Bucky shakes his head. "I'll stick to regular cardboard flavoured cereal instead." Smiling, he stands up and attempts to squeeze himself in between Clint and Sam who've taken over the cooking. A few minutes later, he's next to you again after being told to wait his turn.

Seeing his dejected face, you lift up a spoonful of cereal and nudge his leg with your knee. His head turns in your direction, gaze immediately falling upon the proffered spoon. He purses his lips momentarily, sighing, but accepts it anyway.

Neither of you notice Sam's mouth falling open, or Steve nearly choking on his coffee.

You raise your eyebrows in question and after a couple of thoughtful seconds, Bucky slips off the stool to get himself a bowl, smiling at you gratefully.


	28. Safely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all your comments! I love you.

"Hey, where is everyone?" You pant, having just come up from the training room.

"The boys are going upstate with Tony to check on the compound. He's got some new security program set up that he wants to implement," Nat answers from behind you.

"Really? For how long?"

She shrugs. "You know Tony, always unpredictable."

You shake your head fondly and make your way to your room. Stopping right in front of the door, you turn around.

"Everyone's going?"

Nat smiles at you knowingly. "Yes, even Barnes."

You frown in an attempt to distract her from your blushing face and slip into your room without another word.

As soon as you've changed and stepped out of your room, you spot the guys all gathered at the elevators. Bucky and Clint mutter to each other and snicker, while the rest discuss what they're going to do when they reach the compound.

You notice a warm feeling sprouting in your chest at seeing Bucky somewhat relaxed, even slightly mischievous. He catches your eye just as he and the others step into the elevators.

" **Drive safely** ," you mouth at him.

He smiles softly and nods, holding your gaze until the elevator doors close.


	29. Want

You sigh, inching yourself along the couch like a caterpillar until you’re upside down. Your legs are draped over the back, your head hanging over the edge of the cushions. Almost instantly, you feel a slight throbbing behind your eyes.

“You know that’s not good for you.” Bucky chuckles as he walks into the common room and sees you.

You direct your eyes towards him. “This is what happens when I’m bored.”

He sighs, pursing his lips. “Yeah, bit of a dry spell we’ve got going on. But that’s by no means a bad thing. Less chaos, less people dead.”

Sliding your legs to the side so you can move the rest of your body onto the couch, you say, “Doesn’t mean there aren’t still people working to mess things up in secret. They could just be biding their time.”

Bucky walks over to you, sitting himself down on the arm of the couch. “Why so cynical?”

“I’m just so bored,” you whine childishly, rubbing your eyes. “Hell, I'll even take some of Steve’s reports to read over right now.”

Bucky shushes you dramatically. “Don’t let him hear you, or he'll loop me in too. He knows nobody likes doing paperwork so he'll take whoever he can get. And since I’m usually right next to you, I don’t want to get stumped because all of a sudden reading reports is your idea of fun.” He nudges your leg playfully with his arm.

“ **Well, what do you want to do**?” You inquire, regarding him with wide eyes.

He shrugs. “Whenever I feel a bit trapped in here, I go out.”

“Out where?”

“Nowhere specific, just out. Walking. Watching people. Not in a creepy way, but merely observational. Remember, everything is still pretty new for me,” he smiles, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice.

“Okay,” you decide. “Let’s just go out then.” You wiggle away from him so as to avoid kicking his head when you turn yourself right side up. “Is that okay? Or do you want to keep that more of a solitary Bucky activity?”

Bucky stares at you, thoughts running at lightning speed through his head. He did find solace in being able to go out and be free by himself, to think about things he hadn't been allowed to think about for so long, and to come to terms with the things he also tried so hard to block out. But here you were, wanting to spend time with him, asking if it was okay to do that. He shakes his head, attempting to hide his eagerness.

“No, of course not.” He smiles at you reassuringly. “Let’s go.”


	30. More

"… then he was on the other side, in the last chamber." You pause, clearing your throat. "There was already someone there - but it wasn't Snape. It wasn't even Voldemort."

You turn to look at Bucky. Despite putting up a fierce argument earlier at not wanting to read a story about a 'little wizard boy', he'd relented when you suggested reading it to him. He now sits across from you, leaning forward slightly.

"And? Who was it?"

You smirk and shut the book, laying it on the couch beside you. "I told you it was worth listening to."

Bucky groans, hanging his head. "Okay, fine. You were right. Happy?"

You raise an eyebrow expectantly.

He sighs. "And as promised, I will watch all 8 movies with you in a row without complaining."

"Damn right you will. But I think that's enough for today." You stretch your arms up over your head and yawn. Bucky gawks at you.

"You're just going to leave me hanging? Who was in the chamber?!"

You laugh. "We'll finish it tomorrow. Who do you think it is, though?"

He shakes his head. "I'm not even going to try to guess. But can't we just finish it now? Doesn't seem like there's a lot left."

"But I'm tired." You pout.

" **One more chapter** ," he implores you. " _I'll_ read it! So you can doze off if you want, but please let's just finish it."

Sighing, you toss the book at him and prop up the cushions on the couch, making yourself comfortable.

Taking a deep breath, he opens to chapter 17, then shuts the book quickly. "You ready?"

"I already know who it is," you snort. "But yeah, go ahead."

"Okay." He opens the book again. "It's- Quirrell?!"

Closing your eyes and nestling against the cushions, you say, "Told you it was good."


	31. Worry

"I can't believe you've got a new lead on another HYDRA base," you murmur.

"Yeah, we've been chasing it for months, and why are you talking so quietly?" Steve asks.

You look around before answering. "It's about Bucky. He's not going with you, is he?"

Steve sighs. "He won't listen to me, you know that. I told him again and again it'd be better for him to stay here. Especially after what happened last time," he adds, eyes boring into you and avoiding your gaze simultaneously.

You fidget uncomfortably at the memory, the image of a dejected sorrowful Bucky coming into your room to apologise for hurting you still fresh in your mind.

"That's why I was hoping he wouldn't go. I mean, anything that might hinder his recovery…"

"I know." Steve nods solemnly. "But I also understand why he wants to go so badly; to make things right."

"God, you two," you chuckle. "Always so righteous."

Smiling modestly, Steve looks up at you. "You know, he'll be really happy when he finds out you're this concerned about him."

You slip a little off the countertop you're sitting on, quickly regaining your composure. "I'm not _overly_ concerned, just a normal amount. Like I would be about any of you guys."

"My mistake." He holds up his hands in mock defence.

"Hey."

You and Steve turn to see Bucky in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Talk to you later." Steve pats your shoulder before subtly leaving you and Bucky alone.

"So… I'm guessing Steve told you about the new lead."

You press your lips together, nodding slowly. "Yes, he did. He also said that-"

"…I'm going. Punk can't keep his mouth shut," he mutters.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," he says quickly. Taking a deep breath, he shoots you a smile that makes your stomach flip, and moves himself closer to the counter you're sitting on.

"What he said was right, you know. About why I want to go."

_How much did you hear exactly?_

You tilt your head, scanning his expression for an answer to your question. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, then, **don't worry about me** ," he shrugs. "I mean, not that I don't appreciate you doing it anyway, I mean I worry about you too, but I'm sure nothing's going to happen this time so…" Bucky inhales sharply, tentatively taking one last step forward and encasing you in a hug, his head resting on your shoulder. "It'll be okay."


	32. Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been so busy lately, it's insane... and then I get emails telling me you guys are still commenting - I love you. <3

You tug gently at the dress you're wearing, hoping it might loosen its death grip on you a little. You think fondly back on the time you wore it last.

_"You look nice."_

_"Thanks. You do too."_

A smile springs to your lips before you can stop it. As uncomfortable as this dress is to wear, it is associated with an important memory. You know Tony and Nat will tut disapprovingly at you daring to repeat an outfit at another publicised event but you don't care. That benefit from two months ago was the first time just you and Bucky had spent more than five minutes together outside of the Tower, away from a mission.

You begin to formulate an argument in your head for when Tony and Nat inevitably insist you wear something else. Keeping in mind you can't be too stubborn or else Nat would gang up against you with Wanda, both of them smiling knowingly and whispering conspiratorially.

Just as you reach back to get the zip down, there is a quick knock on your door before the person behind it pushes it open.

"Hey Y/N, do you- sorry!"

You nearly trip over your own feet trying to turn around to face the door. Groaning inwardly, you realise it was Bucky. Twisting your arm at an impossible angle, you yank the zip back up before skidding to the door and flinging it open. Bucky's leaning against the wall right next to it, rubbing his face in embarrassment. He peeks at you through his fingers.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I know I should've given you a chance to actually answer before just pushing the door open but I was going out for a walk and I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to come too?" His voice cracks towards the end.

You can hear blood rushing in your head as you nod. "Yes- yeah, sure. I'm just- I was making sure the dress still looked okay. There's that thing next week…" you trail off.

"Right. That. Wait, you've worn this before." Bucky looks down, taking the dress in, and making you feel extremely self-conscious. Recognition dawns on him as he meets your eyes. "From the first benefit I had to attend."

You nod again. "Where you remembered I hated dancing-"

"-but you danced with me anyway," Bucky finishes, eyes crinkling slightly.

Brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear, you shrug. "You got me out of listening to that guy's golfing story. But anyway," you look down at the dress. "Nat and Tony would most definitely stage an intervention for me on outfit repeating. So I probably won't get to wear it."

"Don't listen to them," Bucky scoffs. " **It looks good on you**."

"It'll probably look better off me," you snort.

Bucky's eyebrows shoot up.

Panicking, you blurt out, "Because I'm going to change now. So we can go. Out. Walking." You sigh.

"Just wait here, I'll be right out." You slip back into your room, shutting the door firmly, then leaning against it and silently screaming.

Right outside, Bucky remembers just how uncomfortable you'd been in that dress the last time he'd seen you wearing it. And yet here you were, wanting to wear it again.

_Maybe she just likes how it looks._

Your door swings open. "Ready to go?"

_I know I do._

Bucky rubs his eyes, then averts his gaze. "Yeah, I'm ready."


	33. Hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I've been gone for a while I'm so sorry! So many assignments to do and didn't get as much [free time](http://ihavehimontheropes.tumblr.com/post/154762240745/yikes-my-surgery-is-scheduled-for-tomorrow) as I thought I would during winter break. I hope you guys all had great holidays!

“Where’s MC?” **  
**

“Jack Frost won’t be joining us for Christmas? Oh the irony.”

“Guys,” you warn. “Let him be. He obviously doesn’t feel up to it.”

Sam and Tony grin at each other, while Clint begins to whistle. Nat walks up behind him, flicking her finger against the back of his head.

“What about them?!” He screeches, rubbing his head and glaring at Sam and Tony who burst out laughing.

“What’s going on?” Steve enters the kitchen, confusion etched on his face.

“Just a little holiday fun,” Nat replies. “Barnes is…?”

Steve sighs, then smiles apologetically. “Spending some time alone. Says he’s fine.”

Tony picks up a bell from the counter and starts waving it wildly. “Time for drinks! And of course, the best presents any of you will ever get. Thanks to yours truly.”

“Yay,” you and Wanda chant, as all of you make your way to the common room.

After a couple of hours of drinking, laughing, making fun of each other, and opening presents, you slip out of the room. Earlier, you’d noticed Steve looking at his phone glumly. Once you made eye contact, he shrugged at you and you knew it was Bucky.

“Going to see him?”

You jump. “Yeah. You coming?”

Steve exhales loudly, swaying with his hands in his pockets. “I’ll go after you. He’ll be okay by then,” he smiles knowingly.

“Right, yeah. Hopefully.” You let out a nervous laugh. “See you in a bit.”

Walking through the quiet, dimly lit hallway, you stopped at the big terrace windows. Bucky was leaning over the railing, watching the city below him as he usually did. Not wanting to startle him, you pulled out your phone and typed out ‘boo’ and sent it to him. A second later his phone lights up with your message and he turns around, squinting at the glass. You slide one of the windows open and step out, sliding it shut behind you.

“Not cold?”

Bucky cocks his head, smiling at you as if to say ‘really?’

“Right. D’you want to come inside now? Everyone’s kind of wasted, that’s always entertaining.”

“I’m sure,” he chuckles. “Hey, where’s Steve? I thought he’d be the one coming out here.”

“He said he’d see you after I did. Apparently, I’m more likely to loosen you up, so he won’t have to try so hard.” You nudge his arm with your fist.

Bucky feels his face heat up, despite the cold. “He’s smart.”

Your heart rate picks up a little. You tug at your jacket, pulling it tighter around yourself. “Hey.”

Lifting his head, Bucky hums in response.

“I’ve got something for you.” Now felt like a good time to give Bucky his present. Your heart thudded even harder at the thought, but you’d already spent so much time convincing yourself it was okay and that he’d appreciate it to back out now.

“Y/N… I thought you knew not to get me anything.”

“I did - I do. But this was just… I’m gonna go get it, okay? **Close your eyes and hold out your hands**. And stay here,” you instruct, turning around to re-enter the Tower. You bolt over to your room, gingerly lifting Bucky’s present and hurrying back to the terrace. You can see Bucky facing the city again, so you place his present on the floor and knock on the window. He turns around and holds out his hands.

“I know you can’t see, but my eyes are closed.” He calls out.

Bending over to pick up the present, you slide the window open and step out.

_This is it. Just do it._

“You ready?”

“Yes.”

You carefully position the [shield](https://instagram.com/p/BNXdIW6h4C5/) in Bucky’s hands, making sure to keep the cover on.

“Okay, you can open your eyes.”

Bucky opens them slowly and immediately looks down at the shield in mild confusion. His eyes flit up to meet yours suspiciously before he slides the cover off and sees what’s underneath.

“It’s…”

You twist your fingers anxiously, trying to assess his reaction. Bucky runs his fingers slowly over the red star in the middle of the shield, dragging them lower until he flips it over.

“Buck… you’ve gotta say something. You’re killing me.”

He looks up at you again. A million thoughts run through his head, overwhelming him.

“You got me a shield.”

 _Smooth_.

“Yep.” You swallow. “Do you-”

Bucky props the shield up against the railing, and takes a step forward, winding his arm around you tightly.

“-like it?” You huff out, seeing your breath fog up, but feeling impossibly warm at the same time.

“I wish I knew how to tell you how much,” he replies gruffly. Pulling away, he peers into your face, mere inches away from his own. You stare back at him, feeling heat emanating from his body and not wanting to separate. Loud knocks on the windows make you both jump.

“What the hell are you two doing out there? I’m freezing my ass off in here!”

Clint laughs, clearly in a stupor. “Hey, why are you… oh my God! Did you finally ki-”

Sam punches Clint in the face, knocking him over.

“What the FUCK,” Clint yells, clutching his face.

Sam raises his hand for you. You smile gratefully at him, despite not being sure if he can see.

“I think we should go in now.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna get an icepack for Clint’s face.” You say guiltily.

As the others shuffle away on the other side of the window, Bucky places a hand on your shoulder, stopping you in your tracks. He leans forward and quickly kisses your forehead, before ushering you inside. Turning himself around, he snatches his shield off the ground and slips his arm into the straps.

_Finally got me one of those._


	34. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Look who's crawled out of the woodworks! I'd kind of lost the will to actually write, mostly due to lack of time caused by the insane workload I had this year and the anxiety that followed it. I'm done with year 2 of uni (fingers crossed for when my results come out), finally. It is currently 3am and I can't sleep so I've churned out this update... as well as two others.
> 
> I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting. Thank you times a million for sticking with me when I was more regular with posting, and thank you times a billion for still commenting long after I'd posted the last chapter. I've re-read your comments countless times in the last few months and they always made me smile. Hope you guys have been doing okay <3 happy reading!

You grin as you pay the cashier. Since joining the team, you had promised yourself a treat for reaching little milestones - the treat was always cake. The last one you'd reached was managing to take out ten enemy agents without anyone's help and you'd gotten yourself a triple-layered ice cream cake, finishing it in a ridiculously short amount of time.

This time, you'd just completed your 20th mission with the team, and were picking your bag of dessert up off the bakery’s counter. You made a note to yourself to slow it down this time and not eat it all in one go.

That decision doesn't really work out in your favour though, since you run into the kitchen after an intense workout one day, hoping to reward yourself, and see Bucky and Sam shovelling cake into their mouths.

Gaping at them, you shriek, “My cake!”

They both glance at each other, then turn to look at you guiltily.

“In our defence, we didn't think this'd still be here,” Sam mumbles through a mouthful of cake before swallowing. “You know, considering how fast it disappeared last time.” Bucky nudges him.

“It disappeared fast last time exactly because of this,” you gesture at the two of them, shaking your head. “Man, I just got beaten up by Nat and I was really looking forward to coming up here and-”

“Where d’you get this cake anyway? I'm just… asking so I can get you a new one,” Sam explains unconvincingly.

You wag your finger at him. “Uh-uh. I'm not telling you, because the next thing you know the only exercise you'll be getting is walking to the bakery.”

“Ah ha! At least I know it's a bakery.” You snort and roll your eyes at Sam as he gets up and walks past you, narrowing his eyes and mouthing ‘I'm watching you’.

“Hey, Y/N, I'm really sorry,” Bucky says. “I should've told him to stop but he kind of… made me try some and there's something in that cake because well, you saw that we finished it. And I promise I usually have better self-control. But I'm still sorry. I know how much your milestones mean to you,” he smiles.

You sigh, debating whether or not to tell him. You decide to do it, since he looks so apologetic. “ **That's okay** ,” you shrug, walking over to the fridge and pulling out an inconspicuous box labelled ‘vegetable loaf’. You set it down on the counter in front of him and pry it open. “ **I bought two**.”

Bucky lets out a small laugh in disbelief, taking the fork you were holding out to him.

“You don't have any more milestones coming up anytime soon, do you?”

Chewing thoughtfully, you answer, “No, not that I can remember.”

“Good, because we're both going to have to spend a while at the gym after this.”


	35. After

Clattering across the hotel lobby in impossibly high heels, you mentally pat yourself on the back for making it look like you do this every day without tripping or twisting your ankle.

You, Bucky, Sam, and Nat were undercover on another mission, where Tony and Steve were observing everything and giving you guys directives. Naturally, you'd been told to pose as couples, and Bucky had gravitated towards you when being paired up, which hadn't gone unnoticed amongst the others. Thankfully, the comments had, so far, been kept to a minimum.

You'd just gotten a message to meet up with them at the suite you were occupying. Jabbing the button to the elevator, you step back and wait. An old lady shuffles up next to you, smiling at you when you make eye contact. Just as the doors open and you prepare to step into the elevator, a man cuts in front of you. Before you can even protest, another one shoulders his way in and presses the button to close the doors.

“Whatever happened to ‘ladies first’?” The woman next to you asks, irritated.

"Men." You shake your head in disgust. She tuts in agreement.

About ten seconds later, the elevator is back at the exact same time Bucky comes up behind you.

“Sweetheart, there you are,” he smiles, giving your elbow a squeeze. “ **After you** ,” he gestures towards the elevator. You smile back at him, stepping forward and helping the old lady in too. She tilts her head in his direction, and mouths "keeper". You shrug modestly, suppressing a grin.


	36. Figure

“Ugh,” you groan in frustration, tapping your fingers furiously against the side of your iPad. The crossword clues you'd been staring at were starting to swim in front of your eyes. You throw your head back, hitting the couch cushions.

 _Doing this is supposed to be fun_ , you think sulkily to yourself, hating it when you got stumped and had to resort to googling which you tried to hold off on for as long as possible.

“Why don't you just stop doing them?” Sam pipes up, knowing exactly what's got you annoyed. He's staring intently at his own iPad, invested in some new game as usual and tapping at the screen frantically.

“They're a good way to stay sharp,” you try to convince yourself, as you explain. “But they just make me want to light things on fire sometimes.”

“Barnes.” Sam’s eyes flit up from his screen for a second upon seeing Bucky enter the room. “She's two clues away from torching the place. You're a dinosaur, you've seen some shit. There's gotta be something in there that you know. Help her out.”

You kick at Sam's knee half-heartedly, then turn towards Bucky who's seated himself right next to you. “This stupid thing- every week they put in some stupid, impossible clue-”

“Alright, alright,” Bucky says soothingly, taking the iPad out of your hands and watching the angry lines in your face disappear. Your not-so inner nerdiness became very obvious whenever a new puzzle came out, and Bucky found his stomach flipping over at how indignant you looked every time you perused the clues. Trying to ignore just that, he nestles deeper into the couch to get comfortable, casually stretching his arm out over the back behind you.

You take no notice of it at first, desperate to get the answers to all the clues you've skipped. Only when Bucky says “ **We'll figure it out** ,” and you feel his voice reverberate through you, do you realise how close together you're sitting. As the tips of his fingers unwittingly brush against your clothed shoulder, you try not to smile, seeing as Sam is right there, and remind yourself to make sure Bucky is in the room next time you open the crossword app.


	37. Kiss

“You miscreants better not mess anything up. As you all know, this is the first time in months that Pepper will be coming back here. Absolutely nothing can go wrong, though maybe I'm asking for too much, I mean look at who I'm speaking to…” Tony trails off upon surveying the scene before him.

Clint snacks on chips noisily, scattering crumbs all over the couch and carpet, Sam and Bucky nudge each other as they play their video game, Steve pores over five different stacks of paperwork laid out across the coffee table and floor, while there is a whole other mess in the kitchen half caused by you, Nat and Wanda baking and the other half by Vision trying out more recipes.

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose, then claps impatiently. “Alright, hey! Focus your attention on me for a second.”

“When do we not?”

“Diva.”

“Enough! I just need you to understand that there can't be any of this,” Tony gestures in disgust at everyone, “on the night of the party. Or 12 hours before it.”

“Yes, boss.”

* * *

 

After being worked to the bone by Tony the whole day, everyone had retired to their respective rooms to squeeze in a tiny nap each before the New Year’s Eve party was supposed to start. By 8 that night, Nat had stationed herself behind the bar, making sure that no one was without a drink in hand.

Bucky chuckles as he downs one shot after another, feeling no effect whatsoever.

“Do you miss it?”

He turns to look at you, managing to mask his double take as he takes in your form appreciatively. Clearing his throat, he responds. “Just the buzz, I suppose. Though I don't think I ever really relied on drinks to get me in a good mood. I either was or I wasn't. Tossing it back to block some things out… now that I might have done.”

You feel your stomach lurch at his words, suddenly imagining everything he's gone through in the last seven decades. “Well, hopefully you won't ever have to do that again. Not that it would work, anyway. Unless you try some of what Thor’s brought.” You both crane your necks to watch Thor handing Rhodey, Sam, Steve, and Clint glasses. Almost all of them choke upon taking sips, with Clint just dropping his head to the counter and Steve scrunching up his face.

“I don't think so,” Bucky laughs. “Besides, I can think of something else that might help me forget everything if I needed to.” He stares at you intently, and you wonder if the drinks really did do something to spark his courage.

Feeling your face heat up, you swallow hard and wrack your brain for something intelligent to say back. Before you can open your mouth, someone is clinking at a glass. You are not at all surprised to see that it's Tony.

“Since I specified that everyone should bring a date, I don't want to see any sad dejected faces when the ball drops and you're forced to kiss one of your friends. It is now ten minutes to midnight, so I suggest you find your partners. Otherwise my AI will have to randomly assign you a partner, and I can assure you that won't be pretty, since her sense of humour is not nearly as sophisticated as mine. Announcement over.”

“He's not serious is he?” Bucky pipes up, pulling at the collar of his shirt.

“Y/N, I _told_ you to bring that guy from medical. Now Tony's going to make you kiss some rich buffoon like himself. Or a 90 year old vet,” Nat hisses.

“It'll be fine, he won't even notice. He's too focused on Pepper, as he should be.” You sound confident, but you don't doubt that Tony will find some way to make things awkward for anyone who might not have a date. Nat rolls her eyes at your naïveté.

“Even Bruce brought someone,” she nudges her head in his direction. He's talking to a pretty dark haired woman in a dimly lit corner of the room.

“Scientist too?”

Nat nods, gulping down the rest of her drink. “Her name’s Betty. Betty Ross.”

Understanding dawns on you. “Not Ross as in-”

“Yep.”

You exhale heavily. “Is this his way of keeping him ‘under control’?”

“Terrible, I know. I think it might've started out that way, but she seems to genuinely like him.”

The three of you smile as you observe them.

“One minute!” Someone yells out.

“I'm off to find Clint, good luck escaping.” Nat pats you on the knee and nods at Bucky who quickly turns to look at you as she disappears into the crowd.

“Y/N…”

“You don't really think he's going to make me kiss a vet, do you? I mean no disrespect, but dear god…” you trail off in a panic, wondering what Tony has up his sleeve.

“Y/N.” Bucky says more firmly, grasping your attention. “ **Can I kiss you**?”

Your brain sputters ‘what?!’ but your mouth doesn't get the memo and blurts out ‘yes’. Bucky blinks, confused.

“What? You- seriously? Yes?”

“10! 9! 8!”

“I don't want to kiss somebody I don't even know!” He explains quickly.

“Neither do I!” You yell over the noise.

“5! 4!”

“Yes?”

“Yes, yes!”

Just as everyone shouts out ‘1’, Bucky gently pulls your face closer to his own and kisses you. It's impossibly light, almost imaginary, but you feel oddly comfortable and content. You both pull away as everyone starts to cheer. Unable to control yourself, you let out a small laugh. Bucky does the same, inwardly marvelling at how he feels this giddy over such a small kiss. Tony and Nat exchange secret high fives as they spot you two.

You squeeze Bucky's hand softly. "Happy new year, Bucky.”

“Happy new year, Y/N.”


	38. Laugh

“You know what, since you two are hell bent on acting like kids, I'm going to treat you like kids. Now, you will learn to get along. Sit here,” Nat points at a spot on the floor. Sam snorts. She keeps her finger pointed and glares at him. He sobers up and sits down. Snapping her fingers, she directs Bucky to the space next to Sam.

“Sam, turn to Bucky and say something nice.”

“You have good taste in friends, Barnes. Steve sure is a great guy,” Sam smirks, knowing that they silently compete for the position of Steve's best friend. You notice Bucky's jaw clench, and lean forward to survey the situation. Nat clears her throat.

“About _him_ , Sam.”

“Okay, fine. I guess if we have a guy like Steve as a mutual friend, you can't be all that bad.”

“There you go. Barnes?”

Bucky sighs. “You… don't suck at baking.”

Choking on your sip of iced tea, you sputter, “Excuse me?”

Sam glares at Bucky and says through gritted teeth, “Hey man, I thought you weren't gonna talk about that.”

Bucky grins at him and shrugs. “I liked those cookies. The sprinkles really added something special to them.”

“Those were yours?” Tony asks in disbelief, having just entered the room. “I underestimated you, Wilson. What are we doing here anyway?”

“Trying to get these two buffoons to get along. They're saying nice things about each other.”

“Sounds like fun. I wanna play too.”

A couple of minutes later, all of you were seated in a circle on the floor with a bottle spinning in the middle. You spin and it lands on Bucky. Sam, Clint, and Tony groan.

“Oh, not these two.”

“Great, this'll go on forever.”

“Can somebody else spin?”

“Will you guys shut up? I can't hear what she's gonna say!”

You panic for a second, trying not to let all the eyes on you throw you off. There's a ton of things you could say to Bucky, but not many of them would allow either of you to escape the teasing from the others. You settle for something you think isn't really a big deal.

“ **I like your laugh**.”

“Aw.”

“Okay that was sappy. But not as bad as I expected.”

Bucky gives you a semi-questioning look, the tips of his ears tinted red. Amid the chatter of the others, you shrug and say, “Because it's so rare.” He beams at you, scratching at his stubble bashfully.

“And usually reserved only for her,” Clint mutters, nudging Sam.


	39. Cry

“So long, partner.”

The words hit you like a ton of bricks, causing a fresh wave of tears to wash over your face. You had the common room to yourself and had made the unwise decision to watch Toy Story 3 again, thinking you won't cry this time. You were obviously wrong. Sniffling, you blink hard, causing a couple of tear droplets to hang off your eyelashes and obscure your vision.

As the movie comes to a close, you hear the elevator rumbling until it stops and the doors open. Steve and Bucky walk out, pausing to assess the situation. You turn your head slowly in their direction, wiping your eyes with the backs of your hands.

“Y/N, really? Again?” Steve asks disapprovingly. “Why do you watch it when you know it does this to you?” He approaches you on the couch and squeezes your shoulder. Bucky follows closely and sits down next to you, allowing you to get a good look at him.

“Bucky! Your face!” You choke out.

He exchanges a panicked look with Steve, not wanting to upset you further with details of their mission.

“Um, there was a little… scuffle. But we've already been to Medical so there's nothing to worry about…” Steve trails off as he sees your face scrunch up, tears spilling over yet again.

“Was that not the right thing to say?” He runs his hand through his hair. Bucky shakes his head, then scooches closer to you.

“ **Don't cry** , Y/N,” he says helplessly.

Feeling like an idiot for crying over nothing, you try to compose yourself but fail. Through your tears, your voice comes out warbled. “But your face.”

Bucky laughs softly, pulling you towards him. “You _know_ I'll be okay. I'll be back to doing my… what do you call it?”

You sniff before replying. “Blue steel.”

“Yeah, I'll be back to doing my ‘blue steel’ before you know it. Okay?” He pulls away slightly to look at you. Raising a finger, he wipes a stray tear off your face and smiles. “Do you want to watch something else? Maybe a slightly happier something?”

You nod and hand him the remote to browse the library. Steve sits back comfortably after watching your exchange, feeling a little burst of relief at seeing Bucky happy.


	40. Made

Steve, Sam, and Nat had been away on a covert op for over a week and the tower had become a lot less lively. Bucky was very obviously missing Steve, he’d been hiding in his room most of the time, only making appearances to eat. Tony stayed tinkering in his lab, Vision and Wanda hung out in the kitchen, which left you and Clint to flip through channels on tv all day long.

“Y/N, unmute it,” Clint mumbles.

Groaning out of laziness, you stretch to pick the remote control up off your legs and turn the volume up. Just as you do, you hear Bucky's door open down the hall. In a few seconds, he's passing through the common room, giving you two a half-hearted wave, and drifting into the kitchen. You wonder whether you should check on him, before getting up to do just that.

Wanda and Vision hover around Bucky, trying to get him to taste whatever they've concocted. He hums and nods appreciatively, sliding slowly away from them to open the fridge. You stand behind the door and wait for him to see you.

“Y/N, hey.” He smiles softly, then rubs his eyes and yawns. You feel as though a light bulb has lit up above your head. Not wanting to waste any time before bringing your idea home, you quickly blurt out, “See ya!”

Rushing out of the kitchen, you text Tony to let him you'll be taking one of the cars, and head to the elevator.

As soon as you're back, you skid to a stop in the common room, finding Clint exactly where you'd left him.

“Is Bucky back in his room?”

“Yep.”

“Thanks!” Heading down the hall, you knock on Bucky's door. He shuts off his music before opening it, eyebrows slightly raised when he sees you.

“Y/N, what- where did you run off to earlier? Clint said you'd probably left the tower.” His confused expression changes to one of concern. “Everything okay?”

“I hope it will be now,” you say, handing him the bag you'd been holding behind your back. He stares at you for a second, before slowly taking it from you. Once he looks down at the contents of the bag, he lets out a laugh.

“What…”

Reaching in, his hand closes around the soft fur of the blue Captain America bear inside the bag. He laughs again as he pulls it out, taking in its costume.

“ **I made this for you** , well sort of. I just had to put his uniform on.”

“Oh my god, they made a Steve bear.” He strokes the fur on one of the bear’s paws, then looks at you. “Why-”

You tilt your head, giving him a knowing look.

Bucky smiles sheepishly. “Yeah, okay. It's just a bit weird, me being here without him, I mean. He brought me here and everything and made sure everyone was okay with me being here, and… I owe him.” He pauses, not wanting the moment to become more serious. “So what do I call him? Steve Jr.? Or is that too obvious a choice?”

You shrug, trying not to let the effect of his words on you show. “Steve Jr. sounds good.”

“Then that's what he'll be. Thanks Y/N.”

You give him a smile and a mock salute, ready to leave him be, when he leans forward and lightly kisses the top of your head. You curse yourself as your face heats up, but have a little laugh on the inside when you notice Bucky's own ears tinted red before he waves at you and shuts the door.


	41. Sleep II

“ _...not Romania, certainly not Brooklyn. No… I mean your real home…_ ”

Bucky’s eyes fly open. He begins to cough, having held his breath during the last few seconds of his dream. Laying a hand on his forehead, he tries to regulate his breathing, squeezing his eyes shut again. He can hear his heart beating in his head, images swimming messily behind his eyelids, tormenting him.

A book.

_The red star._

He violently turns over in an attempt to find a new sleeping position, suddenly overcome by a wave of self-loathing. The thin beam of moonlight streaming in from between the blinds perfectly lights up the eyes of the Captain America bear you had given him. He stares into them, feeling undeserving of Steve's acceptance and devotion. Of Tony’s forgiveness, of your kindness, of the others’ trust. Before he can stop it, a teardrop slides down his nose and onto his pillow.

Sniffing, he lies on his back for all of two seconds before swinging his legs off the side of his bed and walking out the door. Trying not to overthink, he focuses on the sound of his bare feet padding across the floor on the way to your room. He knocks once he reaches your door, regretting his decision but hoping you'll open it up anyway. When you don't, he knocks again.

_She's your friend. She won't mind._

Right?

Shaking his head, he turns the door handle and steps in, quickly turning around to shut the door quietly. He falters slightly when he sees you pointing your handgun at him.

“ _Bucky_?!”

_Shit, I should have at least worn pyjama bottoms. Now she'll think I'm a pervert._

“Yeah… sorry I was…”

_I could really use Nat’s lie-telling talent right about now._

“I'd know you were lying Bucky. You're not very good at it.”

_Shit._

Bucky rubs his arm awkwardly. “I didn't mean to say that out loud.”

“I figured.” There's a pause where you remember you're still holding onto your gun. You slide it back under your bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. I just wanted to see you.”

You stare at him for a moment, then pull back your covers. Your heart starts hammering in your chest.

_Calm down, he just needs a friend right now._

He steps closer to your bed, setting himself down next to you gingerly. Once he seems comfortable, you lie back down and close your eyes, your exterior a complete opposite to what's happening to your insides.

“I'm sorry I woke you up.”

“Be more sorry that you scared the crap out of me. I could've shot you,” you mumble sleepily, feeling oddly calm very quickly. You feel him shake with silent laughter next to you.

“ **Go back to sleep** ,” he whispers. Not wanting to move too much to avoid making you uncomfortable, he slowly searches for your hand and holds on to it before allowing himself to doze off.


	42. Okay

You and Bucky wince simultaneously, then make eye contact and laugh.

“Y/N, doesn't it hurt when you laugh?” Bruce asks you, concern creeping into his voice.

“A bit.”

“Hmm, I really think you should go in for an X-ray. I'll go talk to Tony, be right back.” He hands you and Bucky bits of gauze dipped in antiseptic to clean your wounds before leaving the room.

“A little bit to the left, no, my left!” Bucky laughs, trying to direct you to a cut on your forehead. “Wait, let me do it.” He gets up and stands right in front of you, gently prying the gauze from your fingertips. You grit your teeth as the antiseptic stings your skin, but quickly unclench so as not to give Bucky the idea that he's hurting you.

“Sorry.” Bucky makes a face. “Here, get me back.” He turns around to pick up his bit of gauze and holds it out to you.

You snicker and take it from him. Spotting a nick near his ear, you lightly turn his head with your fingers on his chin to wipe at the wound.

“There's one near my ear?! How the hell- okay, my turn again,” he announces when you've finished.

“I think you're enjoying this a bit too much!”

“I'll be gentle this time, I promise. Hey, what's…” he reaches out for your arm gently, eyes widening slightly at the blood on his fingertips as he pulls his hand away. “You might need stitches, I should get Dr. Banner back in here.”

“He'll be back in a bit. Let's see how bad it is.” You slowly shrug off your jacket, Bucky quickly moving behind you to slide it off your arms.

“Alright, I'm gonna clean around it so he can get a better look when he gets back.”

Your heartbeat quickens before you've even fully registered what's happening. “Oh you don't have to, I can do it myself. Really,” you stress, as he sifts through the medical supplies for the right stuff.

“You'd be at an awkward angle, I can see much better from here. I won't hurt you,” he says, just as the gauze comes into contact with your arm. You twitch, then relax as you remember Bucky is just cleaning around the wound for now.

“ **Is this okay**?” He murmurs, deeply concentrating on avoiding the actual gash itself. Without thinking, he blows on your arm in an attempt to subdue the stinging sensation. You both tense up at the intimacy of the gesture, causing Bucky to pull back and clear his throat. You look down at your arm, suddenly very interested in your injury. Neither of you notice Bruce enter the room.

“Hey, Y/N, Tony says- oh my god… okay we're gonna do this first. Then you're off for an X-ray, okay?” He pulls up a stool and sits across from you, preparing to stitch you up. “Thanks for cleaning her up, Barnes.”

Bucky just nods tersely. “Do you, um, want me to stay, or-”

“You should. Stitches aren't exactly fun,” Bruce says, indicating the spot next to you. Bucky sits himself down carefully so as not to jostle you, his hand settling dangerously close to yours. Bruce smiles softly to himself before he gets to work, as he watches you curl your index finger around Bucky's.


	43. Picked

“Nat, come help me with my hair!”

“You come help me get out of this _damn dress_!”

You hear a clatter of things falling off a table.

“Are you okay?”

“Just get over here!”

“Well, this puts me complaining about wearing a tux into perspective,” Steve chuckles as you and Wanda rush past him in your bare feet.

“Stark told me to suck in my gut,” Sam grumbles. “What gut?”

“He told me he doesn't want me there if I'm not gonna take this seriously.”

Steve and Sam turn to look at Bucky curiously. He holds up his wrists.

“What?”

“I need cufflinks.”

“Just help yourself to my selection, Barnes, if you and your buddies are going to insist on looking like lost kittens,” Tony announces over the speakers.

“Y/N, hey, hey, hey,” Bucky holds out his hands in an attempt to slow you down as you try to skid past him back to your room to finish getting dressed. “I need your help.”

“Bucky, I can't right now. Really, I'm sorry but I have to-”

“Please, please. It's just the finishing touches for my outfit. Tony wants me to get some cufflinks from the ones he's got. I… really don't want to go through his stuff. I mean what if I open up his underwear drawer by accident? What if he's got-" Bucky lowers his voice surreptitiously and continues, "- _silk underwear_ or something? Y/N, I'm being serious, stop laughing! I might never recover from what I see in there, you've gotta help me.”

“Just let me finish getting dressed, Buck. I'll be out in 5. Ten max!”

Sure enough, ten minutes later you're clattering across the hall towards Tony's quarters to zero in on his cufflinks collection. It's not hard to find, since FRIDAY helps you out. Immediately, you spot a pair of beautiful blue ones. Carefully lifting them out of the box, you close everything up and get out as fast as you can.

“We’re late! Again! Everyone out, right now, I mean it! Y/N, what are you-”

“Cufflinks. I'm done, I promise.”

You see the others slowly filing into the elevator, Bucky hanging back to wait for you.

“Here,” you hand him the cufflinks. “ **I picked these for you** , because they kinda match your eyes.”

Bucky smiles bashfully, a stark contrast to the escalation of his heartbeat, as he catches Sam raising an eyebrow and grinning at him.

“Can you help me put them on?”

“I'll do it,” Steve offers, pulling Bucky's arm towards himself.

Bucky mutters a quick 'thanks', grateful that you'd gotten almost immediately distracted by Nat and Wanda.

“You looked like you were about to pass out,” Steve smirks, switching to Bucky's other arm.

He snorts. "Shut up."

Right before the elevator doors open, Bucky sneaks a peek at you, his heart rate far from slowing down.


	44. Hospital

Bucky groans, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut. You glance over at him, prickling with worry. He'd been complaining of mild headaches since his last mission. He'd shaken it off as nothing, despite everyone's insistence that he be checked out.

You watch him now, as he shakes his head and tries to focus on the newspaper he's clutching. His brow is furrowed, the newspaper slowly inching closer to his face as he squints at it. Finally letting out a sigh of defeat, he folds it up and lays it flat on the table in front of him. You clear your throat pointedly. He closes his eyes and relaxes back onto the couch.

“Stop looking at me like that, Y/N.”

“I wouldn't be looking at you if you'd just gone to Medical when we said to.”

“I'm fine.”

“Yep, that's why you can't read the paper. Oh wait, you might need glasses.”

Bucky's eyes fly open and he regards you warily. “Shh, my eyes are fine.”

You shrug. “You are a hundred years old, it's not exactly unexpected for you to need them.” Bucky huffs in protest, staring at you grumpily. Patting his knee, you get off the couch.

“Come on, **I'll drive you to the hospital**.”

“Ughh,” he groans again, reluctantly pushing himself off the couch. You link your arm through his and lead him to the elevator. He smiles lazily and rests his head on top of yours. Once you're in the elevator, you send a quick text to Steve.

_Taking him to the hospital._

You slip your phone back into your pocket when it buzzes.

_At least he listened to someone. Thanks, Y/N. :)_


	45. Watch

Your phone vibrates and you turn it over to see a text from Steve.

_Still got stuff to wrap up, so we’ll be back tomorrow. Keep in touch._

Typing out a quick reply, you relay his message to Nat and Wanda.

“There'll be a little peace and quiet around the house for once,” Nat quips from the cockpit.

“We could have a girls night in,” Wanda muses.

You shake your head. “Bucky and Vis are still home.”

Nat prepares to land the jet. “Just as well. I'm taking a hot shower and going straight to bed.”

Once you'd landed, all three of you made your way up. You waved at Nat and Wanda before you headed off to your room to take a shower and change too. After half an hour, you were softly padding into the common room when you noticed the place lit up by just the massive TV screen. The volume wasn't turned up particularly high, but you recognised the movie anyway. Leaning against the wall, you observed Bucky for a minute. He was leaning forward, perched on the edge of the couch, remote clutched tightly in his hand.

You approach him quietly, not wanting to startle him. He looks up as you get closer and squeeze his shoulder.

“You okay?”

“I should be asking you that, you just got back from a mission.”

“Yeah well, I'm not the one watching Schindler’s List.”

Bucky sniffs. “I saw it on a list of must-watch historical movies, and I thought hey it's about World War II... it's not something I should've watched alone, I guess.”

You sit next to him, nudging his arm. “You're not alone now.”

He shakes his head. “We don't have to continue. **What do you want to watch**?”

Pursing your lips, you answer carefully. “We could finish this, and then we could watch something with Robin Williams in it.”

“Who's that?” Bucky looks at you, confused.

“One of the funniest actors ever. Steven Spielberg, the director of this movie, had him tell jokes and do sketches during filming to cheer people up.”

“Wow… yeah, okay. That sounds good.” He smiles at you sadly, before leaning back on the couch to power through the remainder of the movie. You sit back too, stretching your arm out over Bucky's frame when he drops his head to your shoulder.


	46. First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I churned this out during a rare moment of productivity. During my absence, I’ve gotten several email notifications for comments some of you guys have written. I just want to say thank you for rereading this thing, and to anyone new, thank you for giving it a chance <3
> 
> Shoutout to Grell_Belle_1945, who commented on the last chapter just yesterday, which got me to write this one today.

With all the missions, meetings, and public appearances the team had to do, no one had had much time to just sit around in the common room and catch up on shows.

You’d been dying to watch all the episodes of Game of Thrones that you’d missed, and knew that a couple of the others were annoyed at having to constantly avoid spoilers online as well. Checking the schedules, you’d noticed a free day coming up and taken the liberty to make sure the Tower was stocked with snacks for the viewing party.

Unbeknownst to you, Bucky had recorded something to watch as well. He wasn’t the biggest fan of Game of Thrones and couldn’t understand why it was so popular. Given that he was still required to attend therapy sessions, he had even less free time than anybody else.

Once the day finally rold around, you drag everyone into the common room. Even though you know Bucky isn’t interested in the show, you don’t want him to be alone so you skip over to his room to ask if he wants to join the rest of you. As soon as you reach his door, he opens it, already set to step out.

"Y/N, hey."

"Hey, I just wanted to ask if you want to come watch Game of Thrones with the rest of us."

Bucky’s face falls. "Oh, you’re watching it now?"

"Yeah, why? Oh no, did you want to watch something else?" The look on his face is making your stomach do guilty flips.

He shrugs casually, not wanting to turn this into such a big deal. "Yeah I’d recorded Sta- um, this thing my therapist told me to check out. But it’s alright, I’ll watch it some other time."

The team’s schedule flashes in your head, and you remember that Bucky has less free time than any one of you. Deciding you can put off the spoilers for a while longer, you shake your head and say, " **You can go first**."

Bucky smiles. "Y/N, that’s okay. I don’t want to put you in a position to disappoint that crazy bunch."

You grab his arm and pull him along with you. "They’ve managed to survive this long. A little longer won’t do any harm. Besides I’ve badgered Tony time and time again to finish that program that he’s working on that lets us avoid spoilers online. Maybe now he’ll actually listen to me. Also, just so I know, what am I in for?”

”Uh... okay. She said to watch some,” he quotes with his fingers, “‘feel good’ movies. I looked it up and there was this list on that website you’re always making me do quizzes on.”

”Buzzfeed.”

”Yeah that’s it. Anyway, I thought I’d just start with the first one on the list.”

”Which is...?”

Bucky shifts, embarrassed. He stops you right outside the entrance to the common room. “It was called Stardust. I know, I know,” he says, seeing your face light up. “I feel ridiculous having to watch it, even more so now because everyone’s gonna know... I mean, I guess it could be a good movie but I really don’t want to have to deal with getting shit from Sam, or Tony.”

You pat his arm. “Don’t you worry about that.”

"Y/N, finally- hey look who’s come around!" Sam announces when he sees you with Bucky. "Wait a second, he’s not gonna understand anything that’s happening. Oh man, we’re gonna have to start from scratch," he groans.

You laugh and hold up your hand. "Sam, relax. We’re not watching it now."

"WHA-"

"There’s a movie I forgot I’d already recorded, so I thought we could watch that first."

Bucky looks at you curiously, but says nothing. Steve does the same.

”Well, what is it?” Clint asks.

”Better be good,” Sam grumbles.

You go through the folder of recorded material, deliberately trying to block as much of the screen from the gang’s view as possible.

”Oh what the f-” Sam starts as he catches a glimpse of your selection.

Tony and Steve both notice Bucky’s awkward and slightly defensive stance. They give each other a look.

”Simmer down, Wilson. I haven’t watched a sappy fairytale in... well, never. It’ll do all of us some good.”

"Alright, let’s get this out of the way then," Nat smirks at you. You throw a quizzical look in her direction, face suddenly going red when you feel Bucky delicately pull you over to the couch by your wrist. After a quick, embarrassed, muttered "thank you", you both settle down as the film starts.


	47. Letter

_Hey Y/N._

_I don’t know if you’ll get time to read this, probably not but I’m going to send it anyway._

_How’s the mission going? I hope you’re being careful. I mean, I get it. It’s nothing the three of you can’t handle, but I wish Steve had sent at least one of us with you just in case. We’re on standby either way._

_I beat Sam at that stupid video game yesterday, finally. Don’t tell him, but I’ve been sneaking out late at night to play and I’ve gotten much better. You should’ve seen the look on his face, you probably would’ve laughed really hard. I miss hearing you laugh. I miss you._

_Everything’s pretty boring around here without you guys around to keep us in check. Tiny held an intervention for us this morning, because everything was "a mess". Apparently someone poured coffee grounds into the sink and the Tower is now a "bed and breakfast for a biker gang." I swear it wasn’t me this time, I’ve learned my lesson._

_Ha, I just noticed I misspelled Tony’s name up there but I think the typo suits him pretty well. I’m being mean, I know._

_Oh I tried getting ahead with The Goblet of Fire. It’s getting so good, but I’ve stopped because I’m waiting for you to get back and read it to me. I need somebody to discuss it with._

_Vis was feeling lonely too, so he suggested I hang out in the kitchen with him. We ended up watching videos of food being made more than we made any ourselves. It’s kind of addictive, I understand the appeal now. Though I’ve just made myself hungry thinking about them. I think I’m going to get the Joey Special for dinner (don’t kill me, I’ve gotten ahead on Friends too)._

_I think that’s pretty much all that’s happened since you left. I know, it’s only been a week but time is passing SO slowly. Also, I miss you very much. Did I already say I missed you? God, I’ve talked a lot. Anyway, be safe and see you soon?_

_I didn’t mean for that to be a question mark, that looks so ominous but I legitimately can’t figure out where the exclamation mark is on this keyboard._

_\- Bucky_

* * *

It’s been over a week since you, Nat, and Wanda had left for a mission. It had required all of your attention, and you’d been grateful for it not allowing you to miss home and Bucky. You never would’ve gotten the job done otherwise.

Now on your way back, you squeeze your eyes shut, letting the fatigue from the last few days settle into your bones. Your mind wanders over to Bucky and you wonder if he’d tried to get in touch with you at all. Probably not, you decide. You hadn’t been gone for that long, so you didn’t expect him to.

At long last, you reach the Tower. Nat and Wanda lean on either side of you for support. As soon as the elevator arrives at the right floor, Nat straightens herself up. The guys all come around to greet you and welcome you home.

"Seeing as you guys _just_ got back, I’m gonna cut you some slack... and expect the mission report by tomorrow morning," Steve says.

Everyone groans.

"Gee, thanks Steve."

"You’re out of your mind, Steve."

"No way, Steve."

"Okay, okay." He holds his hands up in defeat. "Stop saying Steve. And how about the day after tomorrow? Does that work for everyone?"

The three of you mutter in agreement until he walks away with a "good job, you guys" and a satisfied smile. You wave tiredly at Bucky who’s emerged from his room. He walks over to you slowly, waiting for everyone else to disperse. He punches you lightly on the arm.

"How’re you doing?"

You shrug. "I’ll be better once I’ve gotten a weeklong nap. What about you? Was the Tower just as vibrant and fun as usual while we were gone?"

He looks confused. "Um, no. It was pretty boring. Wait- **did you get my letter**? I mean, email?"

Now it’s your turn to look confused. "No, what email?"

"Oh, just some dumb stuff I wrote. About what I was up to while you weren’t here." He scratches at his stubble casually. "You don’t have to read it, I mean, you’re back now so I can just catch you up."

You smirk at him. "You’ve piqued my interest. I’m going to charge my phone and read this letter you’ve written. And then I’m going to go to sleep." Your face turns serious as you give Bucky a quick hug. "See you tomorrow, Buck."

"Yeah, tomorrow," he repeats, his heart beating in his ears. Ugh, you were going to read all the sappy stuff he wrote while he was _just a couple of doors away_?

"Kill me, kill me now." He says to himself, while you shake your phone impatiently in your room as it comes back on. Once you’ve refreshed your email, you see that you do indeed have a long message from Bucky in your inbox. You flop backwards onto your bed and grin the whole way through.


End file.
